Our Word

When I was a little girl
Like really little, like eight or so
I was playing in my father's study
A place in the house I wasn't supposed to go
My father fancied himself a sailor
His study was filled with nautical decor
He kept a boat in a bottle on the top of a shelf
And it shattered on the ground when I slammed the door

I told my mother everything
I told her I was so, so sorry
She told me, "Don't cry
When he comes home tonight
We can make everything okay
This is all we have to say"

"We don't remember a boat in a bottle
It must've fallen off its shelf alone
We know you loved it, we're so sad it's broken
But neither one of us was even home"
And it's our word
Yes, our word
Against his

So I hid screw-ups from my father
Made up school awards to please my mom
Whatever made the steak taste better
Whatever kept the waters calm
I was told to keep their secrets
And in turn they'd keep mine
As I got older, I got dumber
I couldn't help but cross the line

Three times I nearly wrecked my life
Three times I nearly came to ruin
Three times went crying to my parents
Who said they'd make it go away
Yes, this is all we had to say

"We never rented a house in Sedona"
"We didn't see Camille the day she died"
"We haven't been on our boat in some years now
So we don't care what you found inside"
And it's our word
Yes, our word
It's our word
Yes, our word
Against theirs

Somebody was paid
To make it go away
Everyone was paid
To make the problems go away
Doesn't matter who gets screwed
Or who is blamed or what you need
To do to clear your name
An inconvenient truth can be easily erased

When I was twenty-six
I was living in New York
I developed some fun habits
Put my white blood cells to work
I remember it so clearly
I was home alone on a Tuesday night
To level out, I'd popped some downers
But couldn't seem to get my mind right
I drew a bath and slipped into it
And suddenly became aware
I couldn't keep my head above water
I took a final gasp of air

And as I laid there helplessly
A million different thoughts came to me
I saw my parents hearing the news
"Your only daughter drowned today"
I thought about what they might say

"Our daughter, Judith?
No, she moved to Austin
She is very happy there, or so we hear
She is always been so goddamned independent
The years go by and now we barely see her"

"Our daughter, Judith?
You must be mistaken
You mean the girl we raised as if our own?
We loved her so much she felt like our child
But eventually we had to send her home"
It'd be their word
Only their word
It'd be their word
Only their word
On its own