Dear Mr. Bourdain

Dear mr bourdain 
When I saw the word “suicide” attached to your name 
It made me ask
What's the synapse that snaps in c person 
that can make a great pilot wanna crash his own plane 

Or hate the sight of blood but still slash their own vein
Or be cfraid of guns but still blast their own brain
cnd does it hurt
Well, Not to be curt but maybe that last question pass to Mr Cobain 

I know he'd probably say it was his way to beat the trauma 
The tension of too much attention lessens the excitement
Of The natural highs of life and so you switch from marijuana 
To alcohol then coke and opiates and now you not the 

Human being you were meant to be and you don't have the energy 
To fight through all the obstacles cuz all you see is drama  
Ironic all them years he spent up in that band 
But c bullet is what it took for him to truly reach nirvana 

Damn 

But dear Mr Bourdain
i heard you quit heroin and kicked the cocaine
Which makes me ask.. whats the synapse that snaps in someone 
To make a sober sane person 
Want to watch himself hang, I mean

 I used to dream of bein rich n sellin out pavilions
Or be like you and get paid to kick it wit hot Brazilians 
Create a tv show like Don Cornelius 
Or to be an oscar winnin comic genius movie star like Robin Williams 

But when I'm blinded by the thought of fame and diamonds that's when someone famous dies 
cnd I'm reminded that we're all civilians 
I guess the lesson is that although money lets ya live a little bit better still can't buy happiness wit all them millions 

So dear Mr bourdain
I won't pretend to know the half of your pain But 
Member that episode of parts unknown in Barcelona at the bull fights when you and Zach explored Spain? well 

Sometimes I feel like life's a matadors game 
You always up against some bull and if you cant defeat it you'll be leakin
On the battle floor slain cll I'm sayin is if Inner peace is somethin that you battled for.. same.

The feeling when no type of no status nor fame 
No Benz no drug not no type of mansion nor chain 
Can help to elevate you and the doctors just sedate you and you feel like real life is getting harder to relate to 
So you hate you but the hatred only adds to more shame
you died the same week as Kate spade I wish you and Kate stayed but imagine the pain a person must be in to be ok with dying before their daughter graduates the 8th grade  
What synapse could snap in a person 
I know I keep askin you probably wondering what I'm askin for 
Well recently I've been havin depression worse n I'm starting worry cuz I think I've felt that same snap before

Cuz everythings in calamity
humanity's in ruins from capitalist mentality 
could feed the starving people wit half a billionaire salary 
but people still be starvin while we be obsessed with vanity 
gender and race and age and religion sex and anatomy, they poisoning the soil and the waters full of oil and nobody gives a damn about planet so the man in me 
feels like im failin pac cuz i can't conquer this insanity/

But,

But dear Mr Bourdain 
cgain i won't pretend to know the half of your pain but then
even though you might've felt the pressure lifted when you left this crazy world all the rest of us felt was tragedy cuz

you faced your demons and their evilness defeated you 
but your life wasn't meaningless we needed you
Thats when it hit me 
thinkin bout everyone who ever looked up to me probably sees in me all the greatness and gifts I see in you 

so I just wanna say thank you Mr cnthony 
for makin me appreciate the light that I still have in me 
the value of good food and traveling and family
You showed me the importance of my life through your reality 
so ima live it 
for all my folks and all my fans and all my foes and all my friends and the generation that's after me,
For my prosperity my safety,  my wealth, my health and most importantly myself 
Signed cdam T

Thank You.