Master Of The House

Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down
And meet the best innkeeper in town
As for the rest, all of 'em crooks
Rooking their guests and crooking the books

Seldom do you see
Honest men like me
A gent of good intent
Who's content to be

Master of the house, doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake and an open palm
Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir
Customers appreciate a bon-viveur

Glad to do a friend a favor
Doesn't cost me to be nice
But nothing gets you nothing
Everything has got a little price

Master of the house, keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve 'em of a sou or two
Watering the wine, making up the weight
Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight

Everybody loves a landlord
Everybody's bosom friend
I do whatever pleases
Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end

Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passerby to pass him by
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate

Everybody's boon companion
Everybody's chaperone
Thenardier: But lock up your valises
Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone

Enter Monsieur, lay down your load
Unlace your boots, rest from the road
This weighs a ton, travel's a curse
But here we strive to lighten your purse

Here the goose is cooked
Here the fat is fried
And nothing's overlooked
Till I'm satisfied
Food beyond compare, Food beyond belief

Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef
Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat
Filling up the sausages with this and that
Residents are more than welcome

Bridal suite is occupied
Reasonable charges
Plus some little extras on the side
Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice

Two percent for looking in the mirror twice
Here a little slice, there a little cut
Three percent for sleeping with the window shut
When it comes to fixing prices

There are a lot of tricks he knows
How it all increases, all them bits and pieces
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows
Thenardier & Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye

Never wants a passerby to pass him by
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate
Everybody's boon companion

Gives 'em everything he's got
Thenardier: Dirty bunch of geezers
Jesus! What a sorry little lot

Mme. Thenardier
I used to dream that I would meet a prince
But God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since?

Master of the house? Isn't worth me spit
'Comforter, philosopher' and lifelong shit
Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there

What a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted living with this bastard in the house
Thenardier & Drinkers: Master of the house
Mme. Thenardier: Master and a half

Comforter, philosopher
Mme. Thenardier: Ah, don't make me laugh
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Hypocrite and toady and inebriate

Everybody bless the landlord
Everybody bless his spouse
Everybody raise a glass
Raise it up the master's arse
Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the House