This Is It, I'M Breaking

I've been choking on their prayers for years
Taste of your approval still burns my throat
They dressed me up in their salvation
While I was baptized for the dead in the temple font
The cracks are showing in my Sunday smile
Can't keep pretending that I belong here
Twelve beasts held the weight beneath my feet
Said it was holy, felt more like fear

This is it, I'm breaking
Can't fake it one more day
Tear the mask off my face
Watch your perfect son decay
I'm done, I'm fucking done
With being who they need
If losing this means finding me
Then let me finally bleed

The aftermath tastes like freedom
Even though the silence stings
Empty rooms where I used to live
Now filled with love and different things
They say I've lost my soul to darkness
But my soul never felt more serene
Now I see with burning clarity
Your tiers of heaven are perfect for Pharisees

This is it, I'm breaking
Can't fake it one more day
Tear the mask off my face
Watch your brother decay
I'm done, I'm fucking done
With dying just to please
If finding truth means losing this
Then I choose to finally scream

Seventeen years of swallowing hymns
Every narrow path was a betrayal
Of the person screaming underneath
Holding to the rod, staying true to myself
While they judged from their great and spacious buildings

This is it, I'm Breaking
Can't stomach their lies anymore
Burn the script they wrote for me
Let the ashes hit the floor
I'm done, I'm fucking done
With living on my knees
If finding peace means losing this
Then I choose to finally breathe

You think I was cast to the flames?
While you are given a new secret name
Reading scripture from funeral scrolls
White robes, secret signs and tokens
Swearing oaths they don't atone
Climbing the hierarchy of heaven
To someday rule as God's of planets of your own
And you wonder why it's no longer my home?

This is it, I'm breaking
Watch me fall from grace
Rip the chains from my neck
Let them shatter in this place
I'm done, I'm fucking done
This is not love
If being me means losing all of you
Excommunicate me too

I searched for God in your covenants
But I found him in my soul