Hard To Be The Bard

My days are so busy
It's making me dizzy, there's so much I gotta do
There's lunches and meetings
And poetry readings and endless interviews

Gotta pose for a portrait
And how I deplore sitting there for eternity
Then it's off to the inn
Where my innkeeper friend wants to name a drink after me

Then it's back to my room
Where I resume my attempt to write a hit
Just me and my beer
And the terrible fear that I might be losing it

And it's hard (it's hard)
It's hard (it's hard)
It's really, really hard (it's really hard)
So very, very hard

I make it look easy but, honey, believe me
It's hard (it's hard), it's hard (it's hard)
It's so incredibly hard
So inconceivably, unbelievably hard

It's hard to be the bard
Honestly, I don't know how I do it
There's only so much of me to go around

I've got so many fans with so many demands
I can hardly go take a piss (he can't pee)
Be it theater freak or the autograph-seeker
They all want a piece of this (gimme, gimme)

It's a cross that I bear, I'm like Jesus
I swear it's a burden, but I suffer through it (he is suffering)
It's all part of the game, the trappings of fame
But somebody's gotta do it (so he does it)

And I know, I know, I gotta go
And get back to my pen and ink
Oh, don't make me do it
Don't make me go through it
Can somebody get me a drink?

'Cause it's hard (it's hard)
It's hard (it's hard)
It's really, really hard (it's really hard)
It's sexy, but it's hard

This bar that I'm raising to be this amazing!
It's hard (it's hard), it's hard (it's hard)
It's so annoyingly hard
So unavoidably, unenjoyably hard

It's hard to be the bard, baby, ugh
I know writing made me famous
But being famous is just so much more fun

You see, what people just don't understand
Is that writing's demanding
It's mentally challenging and it's a bore
It's such a chore to sit in a room by yourself
Oh my God, I just hate it!

And you're trying to find an opening line
Or a brilliant idea and you're pacing the floor
And hoping for, just a bit of divine intervention
That one little nugget, that one little spark
Then, Eureka, you find it you're ready to start
So now you can write, right? Wrong!
You're not even close, you remember that, damn it
Your play's gotta be in iambic pentameter!

So you write down a word, but it's not the right word
So you try a new word, but you hate the new word
And you need a good word, but you can't find the word
Oh, where is it? What is it? What is it? Where is it?

Sir?
Hello!
You asked for information on what Nicholas Bottom is writing
Our spy is here with the news
Did he see me losing it?
He's half blind, sir
Oh, good, then he only saw half of it
You see what I did?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, wonderful!
Speak, man, what news?

I saw Nick Bottom, I did
He paid a soothsayer to foresee what Shakespeare's greatest play would be
That sneaky little thief!
Why doesn't he come up with his own ideas?

(It's hard) no, it is, isn't it?
It's really the worst (it's hard)
Makes me wonder why I didn't think of that first (it's hard)
Hard to alleviate the pressure to create (it's hard)
Hard to do something as good as the last thing I did that was already great

(It's hard) it's hard
So hard that he is stealing from the bard
Well, I'll hoist him by his petard (ooh)
All that I need is a clever disguise (clever disguise)
I'll make him pay for his devious lies (devious lies)
Let him do all the tedious stuff
The work that's terribly and unbearably hard (ooh, hard)

Alright, Nick Bottom
I think Shakespeare needs to find out
What Shakespeare's next big hit will be

'Cause it's hard (it's hard, it's totally hard)
It's hard (it's hard, it's totally hard)
It's hard (it's hard, it's totally hard)
I've got fortune and fame
Everyone knows my name
I can't help it, it's still freakin' hard