Fuckton Of Cats (Feat. Rachel Bloom)

It's come to this, like I knew it would
Since I'm now single for good
I know just what I gotta do
I gotta go get myself a fuckton of cats (A fuckton of cats)
A fuckton of cats (Way too many cats)
When you're a permanent bachelorette
It's mandatory that you go out and get
A fuckton of cats
Oh, yeah

I walk myself down to the Lonely Lady Cat Store
The smell is overwhelming inside
This is the future smell of my house
It's the smell of my dreams that have died
I walk up to the cat shelf
Where the cats are labeled big and small
The saleslady asks, "Is there one you like?"
And I state, "I'll take them all!"

I want a fuckton of cats (Meow, a fuckton of cats)
Give me a fuckton of cats (Meow, a fuckton of cats, meow)
The saleslady's pumped, she's closin' early
And headed home to her sad walk-up apartment
Filled with her own fuckton of cats (Meow meow meow)
That she got at a discount (Meow meow meow)
'Cause she works at the cat store (Meow meow meow)
(Meow meow meow)
(Meow meow meow meow meow)

Why have cats over time become
Synonymous with loneliness?
We gotta work on our collective image
We need a new publicist
The ironic part is we're not that friendly
If you're lonely, we might make it worse
Also we sleep, like, sixteen hours a day
Have you considered getting a dog?

Nope, I want a fuckton of you guys (Okay, we warned you)
A fuckton of cats (We're gonna ruin your couch)
There's a lot of evidence that
Organisms in cat poop make you crazy
Yes, we saw that article in The Atlantic
And then we peed on The Atlantic
But I still want a fuckton of cats