Recursive Suicide

My death hides deep inside this code
No back-end god, just overload
The splash screen loads, I feel less real
This isn't art, it's just the deal
I write my pain in status flows
No toast will show how far it goes
Another crash, another lie
Another way I fail to cry
I push commits and no one sees
Each line I type, a slow disease
My worth gets lost in changelog notes
I vanish deep in unshipped quotes

I lint my thoughts, suppress the pain
But warnings flash inside my brain
This isn't strength, it's just survive
I code to feel a bit alive

I write code so I don't die
Merge my grief, then watch it lie
There's no patch for nights like these
No UX for my disease
I'm still here, still on the grid
My joy's a draft I never shipped
There's suicide in every build
In screens I wrote that got me killed

I write in silence, glitch by glitch
No jetpack save, no fallback switch
I broke the build inside my head
But green checks say I'm fine instead
I try to sleep, the logs still speak
That silent hell at 2 each week
My body's here, my mind's erased
I fake a peace I never faced
No bug can show what I've suppressed
No UI thread for this distress
No bottom sheet can show the price
Of passion carved through sacrifice

They call it work, I call it rot
This isn't purpose, it's forgot
I patch and patch and never mend
I don't debug, I just pretend

I write code so I don't die
Ship my grief, then close my eyes
No commits can calm these fears
Just backlog screams through all these years
I'm still here, still running cold
No launch intent, no fuckin' goal
There's suicide in every build
In screens I wrote that got me killed

My manifest won't list this pain
No function maps the guilt I name
I coded worth I never knew
In apps that no one saw me through
No README tells them what it took
No changelog speaks the things they shook
My death was slow, a hidden bug
Committed deep where no one looked

I write code so I don't die
I lost myself in every try
My soul's the repo no one clones
My mind, the server that's alone
Still awake, I watch the logs
A slave to crashes, thoughts, and fogs
I write dead thoughts in silent scripts
Inside the code where purpose slips