Self-Correct

They think I'm healing
But I'm just shutting down quieter each time

I didn't bend, I broke
Didn't fight, I choked
Each breath ain't brave, it's just not dead
My spine's in pieces, but I smile instead
They say I look strong when I don't say a word
But I'm just too ashamed to be heard
He's still in my house, in my voice, in my name
And I carry that weight like it's fucking my shame

I don't scream, I collapse
I don't run, I relapse
I don't grow, I endure
Like code too broken to restore

I'm not fighting, I'm folding
My hands ain't fists, they're just holding
The mess I call me, so no one will see
That I lost the war quietly
This ain't silence, it's restraint
Not peace, it's what I ain't
I'm the ruin you won't detect
'Cause I mastered how to self-correct

They say, "You'll get past this"
But what if I already missed it?
What if healing's a language
And I was born illiterate?
Every update breaks another part
Every day feels pre-torn from the start
And all this code I wrote to cope
Can't debug a fucking ounce of hope

I don't scream, I hide
I don't fight, I divide
Don't reboot, I stall
Every thought's a system call

I'm not fighting, I'm folding
My hands ain't fists, they're just holding
The mess I call me, so no one will see
That I lost the war quietly
This ain't silence, it's restraint
Not peace, it's what I ain't
I'm the ruin you won't detect
'Cause I mastered how to self-correct

Permission never granted
Strength never inherited
But fuck, I still pretended
Until I believed I was defending
But I wasn't
I'm not
I'm done