I'M Doing My Best

What do you think when you see me?
Don't judge me, I'm doin' my best
Why couldn't my life be easy?
That's because mine is a test

And maybe I'm broken completely
I'm always so fuckin' depressed
I'm meaningless, nobody needs me
I'm everyone's deepest regret

Yeah, this mind that I have is a sad one
This heart that I have is a black one
I contemplate usin' this handgun
I reminisce times that I had once

With the girl of my dreams that I had once
I used to have friends, now I have none
I gotta just face it, I can't run
I'm cursed to be someone you can't love

More medication, I need it right now
All these prescriptions keep bringin' me down
Cryin' for help, but they don't hear a sound
Head underwater, tonight I might drown

I come from torture and horror, my life isn't normal
It kills me, I hate to reflect
I don't trust anyone, I said fuck everyone
I can't think straight, but I'm tryin' my best

Keep all my nightmares and secrets
I try, but I can't let them go
They see my emotions as weakness
But they only see what I show

Some people call me a genius
Others would say I'm a joke
I can't escape from my demons
I'm stuck in this world without hope

Yeah, watch as my spirit disintegrates
Watch as my body obliterates
Trauma, it caused all this inner hate
Memories I can't eliminate

I'm goin' down the decisions made
This isn't sudden, I've been afraid
Crazy and hollow, I'm still the same
I can't break outta my sinful ways

Tellin' y'all sorrowful stories
And not for attention and not for the glory
It's just how I feel, I'm just doin' this for me
That's why I don't sleep until 4:00 in the mornin'

And when I'm on the mic, it's a suicide warnin'
I'm wearin' a halo, already I'm soarin'
But I ain't no angel, I'm evil, unholy
I'm merely a ghost in this city, I'm lonely

Yeah, looks are deceitful, search under the surface
Reality's fake, a ridiculous circus
Where findin' your purpose means findin' a purpose
And bein' yourself means you hide behind curtains

Just struggles and burdens, the pain only worsens
The future's uncertain, the past always lurkin'
The present converges, but time's a diversion
From whatever's next, it doesn't concern us

True pain isn't somethin' that just goes away
It stays inside you forever
And all you can do is pray for a better tomorrow
It may not come, but that's reality
It's just the world we live in

What do you think when you see me?
Don't judge me, I'm doin' my best
Why couldn't my life be easy?
That's because mine is a test

And maybe I'm broken completely
I'm always so fuckin' depressed
I'm meaningless, nobody needs me
I'm everyone's deepest regret

Yeah, this mind that I have is a sad one
This heart that I have is a black one
I contemplate usin' this handgun
I reminisce times that I had once

With the girl of my dreams that I had once
I used to have friends, now I have none
I gotta just face it, I can't run
I'm cursed to be someone you can't love

DempseyRollBoy
In a world of my own