Indiana Jones Vs Lara Croft

Epic Rap Battles of History
Lara Croft versus Indiana Jones

Let's get this battle crackin', I'll leave you like your reboot, flattened
You used to be the queen of booby trappin', what happened?
You got too woke to be fun, now my Indianaconda don't want none
There's too many voices inside you, you burn through women quicker than I do
I think you shoulda dropped Hollywood as an option when even Angelina gave you up for adoption

Let's cut to the Chase, oh wait, he died, I guess you couldn't tap that X in time
From the Bandicoot to your family's plane in ashes, kid, you've got a tragic history with crashes
Puzzle I'm tryna beat is figurin' out why you're dressed for the beach
I've seen more class from the kids I teach, you can rise all you want, I'm still outta reach
So go grab your relics and run, you verse me is sword verse gun
Honey, just the first four notes of my theme exceed everything you've done

Dr. Jones, you're no rival, you've been gettin' owned since, "Give me the whip, throw me the idol"
Indianaconda? For heaven's sake, you'd shit those Dickies at a garter snake
You stole your famous leather-daddy jacket and Stetson from the cold dead hands of Charlton Heston
Some ladies mistake you for brave and hunky, but you're such a toxic date, you could kill a little monkey (ah)

Marion was 15 when you raided her bones, that's no time for love, Dr. Jones
This is one temple that you'll never be explorin', you're not John Williams, so you ain't scorin'
Three decades in the game, and my fans still adore me, you tried alien skulls and chose poorly
Your whole story got blown up on a sitcom, there's a Big Bang you can't hide in a fridge from
Hang up the whip, before you crack a hip, I think even Mutt wants you to quit (just do it)
I kill dinosaurs for fun, what's another old geezer? I'll lock this battle up like Winston in the freezer

Dinosaurs belong in a museum

I've been served a full-course meal of chilled Indian voodoo, and they don't even kill as many animals as you do
You're corruptin' the youth, they should be outside, not tryna unload the barrels on your thighs
You might've ditched those pistols, akimbo, but you're still the same rich back-flippin' bimbo
A brat with a treasure map to catastrophe, stuffin' your knapsack with innocent casualties

Square Enix didn't want you anymore, that's why they dropped you like a J in the floor
When they designed your core, they ripped my style, and jiggled in a bit of Girl's Polygone Wild
You took 3D to uncharted territory, now, you're just in Uncharted's territory
Overshadowed by Drake like Lil Wayne, somebody needs to make a tomb for your whole game

If you wanna talk games, stick to Sorry, that verse was worse than your crap on Atari
Aw, Fedora the Explorer thinks he's tough, you must've gotten dragged behind too many trucks
So strap some blocks on Short Round and pump the brakes, the only overshadowed thing is that face
I'm whoopin' you so bad, I should get flagged for cheatin', like Mola Ram with a heart, Indy's takin' a beatin'

I'm the first wet dream gamers ever had, you're a Halloween costume for outta shape dads
Oop, my bad, your dad was never present, at best, the affection you got was sloppy seconds (ew)
You ditched your sidekick, never met your own kid 'cause his mum cut you off like a rope bridge
You're a dog, Indiana, that's facts, the only thing you're loyal to's a hat, no cap (woof)
Your face straight melted, and you lost that smolder, so make like a boulder, and roll your arse over
'Cause Junior, the baby boomer, beatin' me at rappin'? That's like my nude codes, never gonna happen

Who won? Who's next? You decide
Epic Rap Battles of History