I Love Me

Okay, so I--it took me a little bit 'cause I wasn't sure if I really
Wanted to share it. But I'm going to get personal about this, um
Because I just feel like it's really important for me. Um, I suffer
From clinical depression. About seven years ago, I attempted to
Commit suicide. Um, and I remember I woke up, and my mother was
There. And once I was able to process everything, I had decided that
I was never going to be back in that place again. Um, so, I've gotten
Better. Um, about two to three years ago, I started my business. And
My mother is my why. My life is my why. And what I do is more than
Just about putting stuff on paper and creating stuff for people
Like I meet all types of people, and I want everyone to be successful
And win. And ultimately, I don't want them to be where I was. Um
And I meet a lot of people like that. But my issue is, is I've been
In a relationship where ultimately, I know it's bringing me down more
Than helping me be who and what my full potential is. Who I was four
Or five years ago is not who I am now. I've changed, but my
Significant other hasn't. So how do you let go? It's easy for people
To say, "Just let it go." But when you're that deeply invested in a
Relationship, either how do you let it go, how do you get them on
Your same page? I'm fighting for my life. And ultimately, that's what
It is. And I know that. I--I have to live. I do what I do because
People give me my why. My mother gives me my why
I give me my why. I need that. When I get to my peaks
I feel like I get knocked back down. But I don't wanna
Let go. I know I need to. I just don't know how to

So let me say this to you real quick. Alright, so, I'm--I'm you
I find out in college like, "Yo, I got this gift." You know what I'm
Sayin'? I got this way of like reachin' people and takin'
People to that next level, right? But I--but--but my life
Didn't look like my speech. Remember I talked about measuring?
So I--I would get up and speak, and woo! And then I'd go
Back home like, "Whoa! What's goin' on?" My bank account
My credit, right? And what I realized--what's your name?

Alethea

Alethea, what I realized was like, "E, you building up, but you
Haven't built down." You feel me? Like you buildin' up, right? And
They--you--you've heard it before, bedrock, right? So when you build
A structure, if you--if you go like just a little bit down, you on
Gravel and dirt, right? So what happens when life happens and you on
Dirt, you know what happen. That--it's--it's--it's shakin'. So we got
Mudslides in Cali. Beautiful homes. Million dollar, billion dollar
Homes. But they're crashin'. Why? 'Cause they were built on a very
Weak foundation, right? So I was tryin' to build my life up by goin'
To college, by gettin' a GED, by gettin' married, by startin'
A career. But I needed to go down. And what happened was, yo, you
Never forgave your father for not bein' in your life. So every time
You--every time you hit a storm, you gotta deal with that. Now, we
Not just talkin' about your father not bein' in your life. That--
That's cool. We ain't--I ain't trippin' that my man wasn't there. We
Ain't on that. But we on the rejection now. That every time you do
Somethin' and you hear "no," you get knocked down. Why? 'Cause you
Didn't deal with the fact that, yes, the fact that he wasn't in your
Life hurt, 'cause you walkin' around like, "Yo, so what? I'm a grown
Man. So what he wasn't in my life? Who cares?" No, you care, Eric
You care! And so there's these feelings of rejection. There's these
Feelings of like you don't--you not really deep enough. 'Cause if
You was that deep, he would've been there for you. So apparently
You must not been that deep. Come on, Eric. I don't care nothin'
About your speakin'. You're--at the end of the day, you not that
Deep. So then we go from not havin' my father in my life, and I never
Talk about this, y'all. But do you know what it's like to be homeless
For real, for real? Like, do you understand bein' by yourself? You
In a bed--do you understand the emotional stuff? Do you know the
Voices you hear when you by yourself at 16 years old? Do you know
What it's like to go without eatin'? Like for days? Do you know what
It's like bein' in public and you stank? Like you don't--like I ain't
Had no shower. I ain't had no water. So when I'm around my boys and
You know people, like in the black community, when they joke, they
Tryin' to strip you. So I'm talkin' 'bout dudes was comin' at me
And they had ammunition. Do you know how that feels? And God is
Sayin' like, "Yo, you tryin' to--a GED ain't gonna fix that." Like
You gotta go to your old dude. You gotta go bedrock. And you gotta
Deal with the real. And you gotta go look my man in his face, and you
Gotta ask my man, "Why weren't you there for me?" You gotta look my
Man in the face, and you gotta ask my man like, "Yo, what happened?
What--what--who was I not? What was I?" And you gotta get that stuff
Out. And so you gotta go bedrock. Like you can't have people bein'
Like your why. Ain't nobody that deep that they could be your why
They gon' always let you down. And let me tell you somethin'
When you not right, you gon' keep attractin' that kinda stuff
You gon' keep attractin'--I'm just bein' real. You gon' attract
Men who can peep out that you ain't--you ain't there right now
Once you fix it and get it healed, I told you, I walk in corporate
Now, and I know they don't want me there. But I'm still here
I'm here, and ain't nothin' you can do about it. And you gotta
Sit here and listen to me for the next hour. And even though you
Don't like my hat, I love me. And even though you don't love my
Shoes, I love me. And even though you don't like my shorts, I love
Me so much that you gon' love me when I get up out this joint
And you gon' say I'm the best motivational speaker that ever lived

And so listen to me. This what we gon' have to do, right? And I'm-
-I'm committed to you. This is why I do what I do. I don't--I don't
Do this to speak. You hear me? I don't do this to speak. I do this
For this right here. This why I do this.You deserve to be healed
Flat out. I don't want you to go another day with the pain that
You got inside. I know how to do it 'cause I did it. I've been where
You are. And you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna go to the
Root and we're never gonna have to ask men questions. We're never
Gonna have to ask job questions. We're never gonna have to ask that
'Cause once you hit bedrock, you solid as a rock when you hit
Bedrock. And so you're gonna be alright
Are you a believer? Let's pray
Father, we thank you in the name of Jesus Christ that your daughter
Is here. Not for a conference. Baby girl came to be made whole
And so, welcome home. You home. You're where we love you, you're
Where we're gonna pick you up, pull you up and not tear you down
You are where you are not going to get manipulated, but you're
Gonna get help. You are where you're gonna shine and be amongst
Other eagles. And it's gonna be the same language and the same
Communicate, like you are home. And so I'm just so grateful for
Your presence, I'm grateful that you're ready to go to the next
Level. And I'm grateful that when you walk out of this room
You will never be the same, they're not even gonna recognize you
Because the people who knew me prior to forgiving my biological father
Say, "Yo, E, we saw the moment. You've always been able to speak
But we saw when you confronted your father and
You let go of all that anger and bitterness
We saw you fly like you have never flown before."
And so I don't know what she needs to overcome. I don't know what she
Needs to deal with. But today is the day. Today is the new day for
The rest of her life. Today she loves herself like she's never loved
Herself before. Today she believes in herself like she never believed
Before. Today is her day to become a new creature, to become a new
Person and to live life not as she dreams but as she deserves it
And so we just thank you that she's gonna get to the bottom of
It, get to the root of it and she'll never have a high high
And a never low low again. That she will only have high highs
Father. And I know 'cause I've been low and I have not seen
One of those days in a very, very, years and years and years
So give her the freedom that she deserves. Give her the life
That she can touch and taste. She can taste it, it's so close
Give her that life and then allow us to be able to experience it
But then more importantly, when you give it to her like you gave
It to me, may she teach it to others. May she free others and may
She heal others through her ministry. We thank you, we worship you
We praise you and we thank you for her new beginning in your
Son's name. Amen. Amen. Be blessed. We'll just stay in touch, okay?