Chrissy Puked Twice (Vault Bonus Version/Live)

It was the blackest night there was no moon in sight
You know the stars ain't shinin' 'cause the sky's too tight
I heard the scary wind, I seen some ugly trees
There was a werewolf honkin' 'long the side of me

I'm mean and I'm bad, you know I ain't no sissy
Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy
Talkin' about her and my bike and me
And this ride up the mountain of mystery, mystery

It was 11 o'clock upon a Friday night
You know that her and me was feeling outta sight
We had 20 reds and a big ol' pile of weed
You know we drank some wine and then she LSD'd

Well, Chrissy puked twice and jumped on my bike
She yelled, "Fire it up because you know what I like"
She burned her leg on a tail-pipe then
And yelled, "Shit-a-ree" and puked again

I noticed even the crickets were actin' weird up here
And so I figured I might just drink a little beer
I said, "Gimme some of that what yer suckin' on"
But there was no reply 'cause she was gone

"Where's those titties I like so well
And my goddamn beer?", is what I started to yell
Then I heard this noise, like a crunchin' twig
And up jumped the Devil, he's about this big

He had a red suit on and a widow's peak
And then a pointed tail and like a sulphur reek
Yes, it was him alright, I sweared I knowed it was
He had some human flesh stuck underneath his claws

You know, it looked to me like it was titty skin
I said, "You son of a bitch" 'cause I was mad at him
Well, he just got out his floss and started cleanin' his fang
So I shot him with my shooter, said, "Bang-bang-bang-bang"

Then the sucker just laughed and said
"Oh, put it away
You know, I ate her all up
Now what you gonna say?"

You ate my Chrissy? (Titties 'n all)
Well, what about the beer then, boy? (Were the cans this tall?)
Even her boots? (Would I lie to you?)
Shit, you musta been hungry (yes, this is true)

Don't they pay you good for the stuff that you do?
Well, you know, I can't complain when the checks come through
Well, I want my Chrissy and I want my beer
So you just barf it back up now, Devil, do you hear?

Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man
I mean, I am the Devil, do you understand?
Just what will you give me for your titties and beer?
I suppose you noticed this little contract here

Yer goddam right, you son of a whore (don't call me that)
That's about the only reason I learned writin' for
Gimme that paper, bet yer ass I will sign
Because I need a beer and it's titty-squeezin' time

Man, you can't fool me, you ain't that bad
I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls that I've had (oh, yeah?)
Why there was Milhous Nixon and Agnew, too
And both of those suckers was worse than you

Well, let's make a deal if you think that's true
I mean, you're the Devil so whatcha gonna do?
Wait a minute, a tinge of doubt crosses my mind when you say that you want to make a deal with me
That's very, very true
Wait, you ain't supposed to wanna make a deal with me
Ah, but I'm slightly different than your average customer, Devil
But most people don't want to make a deal with me
Well, most people are afraid of you, see?
They don't know how stupid you are
I happen to know that you jack off to a picture of Punky Meadows when you get home

You know, ever since that guy told you that he contained more fluid than Jeff Beck you've been tryin' to outdo him
Alright, look, I'm gonna say one thing to you
This may not register right away, but let me say this
Leave your pickle alone for a couple of nights, you know what I mean?
Now, come on
I'm only interested in a couple of things

Wait, is that a note for me?
Is somebody passing me a note?
What does this say?
"Frank, please do me a favour, I can't find a brother of mine
I could dig it if you could call him from stage
His name is Dirty Tom Nomads, M.C.", signed
"Thanks, Bear" or "Bean", I can't tell
Well, if he's out there, Dirty Tony De La Nomads, M.C., get in touch with Bean or Bear

And as I was sayin', Devil, I'm an average sort of a person... I'm
You wouldn't believe it, but, I'm very much like the people here in this audience tonight (what?)
I think we definitely have something in common
Wait a minute, I thought you had funny things growing in your hair and all that other stuff, I thought, write weird music, you know, I thought
Biker and everything, I mean, shit, you know?
Big tittie chic that you just had out here with the camera, I mean, you know
Listen carefully to me, oh, Devil (uh-huh)
I'm only interested in two things (yeah)
See if you can guess what they are
I would think, let's see, maybe Stravinsky and, uh
I'll give you two clues (let's see)

Let go of your pickle (what?)
Let go of your pickle (I'm not holding my pickle)
Well, who's holding your pickle then? (She's out in the audience)
Hey, Dale, would you like to come up here and hold my pickle to satisfy this weird man out here on the stage?
You're probably wondering why we call it a pickle

I don't, I hate, I hate to squeal on you, Bozzio
I mean Devil, but look, I'm only interested in two things
Now, wait a minute, all I have to say is, "God help me"
Even though I have this, this fucking mask on

Listen, if you think that mask looks bad, you oughta see his pickle
I'm only interested in two things, that's titties and beer, you know what I mean?
What? Titties and beer?
Titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer
Titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer

No! Don't sign it
Give me time to think
I mean, hold on a second, boy
'Cause that's Magic Ink

And then the Devil let go of his pickle
And out jumped my girl
They heard the titties plop-ploppin' all around the world

She said, "I got me three beers and a fist full of downs
And I'm gonna get ripped, so fuck you clowns"

Then she gave us the finger, it was rigid 'n stiff
That's when the Devil, he farted
And she went right over the cliff

Well, the Devil was mad
I took off to my pad
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare

Alright
That, that's enough for the Devil and his famous pickle
We're goin' to make another dramatic if, if somewhat
Rickety segue into another song called "Cruisin' For Burgers", wait a minute