I Parted My Hair In The Middle

I used to be bashful and shy
For fast living I didn't care
But now you can tell I'm a bit of a dog
In fact I'm a devil-may-care
They told me to lead a gay life
A life that was dashing and free
So I made my mind up to do something rash
To show what a nut I could be

So I parted my hair in the middle
In the middle, in the middle
Now when I leave my hotel
Everyone follows me, dogs as well
If I give a girl the glad eye
I smile and I say, "Twiddle twiddle"
And I've smoked some brown paper without being ill
Since I parted my hair in the middle

(Devils those young lads, we never know when we're going to get
Locked up. You can't see this coat I've got on can you? Well George
Lushwood lent it to me. There's only one fault with it, it's a
Bit tight under the arms, still that doesn't matter, I'm going to
Have that arm off tomorrow. Second verse now isn't it conductor?
And I want you to play nice and soft then they'll know what kind
Of a voice I've got. And be very careful in this next verse because
There's a woman in it. Now get ready we're going to start now.)

One night with a girl you'll agree
I had an appointment and so
And as I'm just a little bit spoony on her
In my best Sunday clothes I did go
I got her a nice bunch of flowers
From a dustbin just up the back street
Then as I stood in front of the looking glass there
To make my appearance complete

I parted my hair in the middle
In the middle, in the middle
Then I noticed our tomcat
Was washing his face on the front door mat
He carefully curled his moustache
Then at me his left eye did twiddle
Then I knew that he'd got an appointment as well
'Cause he'd parted his hair in the middle