Another Terrible Day

Oh, you're alive
I suppose that's good news for you
But it means a lot more paperwork for me

So don't expect me to be happy to see you
Of course, being alive is temporary

So, maybe if I go away and play pinochle for a few hours
Things might improve, for me, not for you, you'd be dead

Where am I?
Great, you haven't been debriefed
This is way out of my pay grade
Which is saying a lot cause I don't get paid
Someone find Professor Hay-For-Breath and tell him Peter Johnson is awake
So he better clip-clop over here!
It's Percy Jackson
Whatever!

Just another terrible day
At Camp Half-Blood, where everything's the worst
Just another terrible day
When you're in charge, it's like you're cursed

Well, technically I am cursed
One romp in the woods with Zeus' favorite wood nymph
And you're stuck running a summer
Camp for a bunch of needy half-bloods
Half-blood?
Yeah, half-god, half-mortal, does no one watch the orientation film?
Did you say half-god?
Yeah and I half-care

Who's next? Silena Beauregard!
Oh, great, she's crying
I was walking in the strawberry fields with Charlie Beckendorf
And we were holding hands and everything was totally normal
And then I kissed him and all of a sudden he started growing sunflowers, everywhere

Look, kid
I hate to be the one to tell you
But I think that Charlie Beckendorf was also holding hands with a nymph
That doesn't wanna wish you well
To tell you the truth, the best thing to do is to break up with the guy

'Course, who am I to give relationship advice, I'm literally the god of alcohol
But he loves me
He loves you not! Next!

Another terrible day
At Camp Half-Blood, where everything's the worst
Just another terrible day
I'm the god of wine and I'm dying of thirst

Wait, did you say you're a god?
Dionysus, god of wine? The gods are real, yippy skippy
Ah, Katie Gardner, I see you've injured your arm
I fell off a pegasus
You don't have flying lessons on Thursdays, you have archery
Those arrows are made of wood! Wood comes from trees!
I refuse to participate in any activity that encourages the senseless slaughter of our arboreal friends

Oh, gods
Give me Ares or Apollo
Anyone but the Demeter kids' cabin
Now that you blessed us
Go talk to Hephaestus
Before I take a knife to my head and start stabbing
And stay away from the pegasi!
Girls and ponies
Ah, speaking of ponies

Percy
Mr. Brunner, what are you doing here?
This guy is saying all this crazy stuff about nymphs and gods and
What is going on?
It's complicated
Oh, kid, you have no idea
About this place or your former mentor
I don't have time to fill you in on the details
But look, he's also a centaur, God!
I did mean to tell you

Another terrible day (Mr. Brunner!)
At Camp Half-Blood (you're a horse!)
Where everything's the worst, another terrible day
What is happening?
You can hate it here, but I hated it first
Just another terrible day, stuck with these runts in the muck and mud
Another terrible day, oh gods
I need a drink
Enjoy your stay at Camp Half-Blood