Hazbin Guarantee (Trust Us)

Come on in, here's your key
Let me take your bag, wait 'til you see
The hotel, 'cause it's great
If you parked your car, we'll validate

All our guests are family
(Hey, perv, hands off the chest fluff)
That's the Hazbin guarantee
And did I mention it's free?

It's worth the price (Al, be nice)
Full of drunks (full of cunts)
Full of sticky floors covered in junk
Ha, don't mind them (no one does)
Or that hole (ugh, Cherri! What?)

You've made a great choice to save your soul
'Cause redemption is possible, I really, really hope
'Cause if it isn't, then my whole life's been a fuckin' joke
And my friend died for no reason, and I'm never gonna cope
From watching him get fucking murdered right in front of me last month

(What?) There's a bar (what the shit?)
Have a beer (I don't drink)
I just know you're gonna love it here
We can live in harmony (no, I can't make a fucking Mai Tai)
That's the Hazbin guarantee

Now repeat after me
I'm checkin' in (I'm checkin' in)
I'm seekin' guidance (I'm seekin' guidance)
Come on, everybody
For my reckonin' (for my reckonin')
I'll never turn to violence (I'll never turn to violence)
I'm checkin' in (I'm checkin' in)
I'm seekin' guidance (that place sucked ass)

Psst, hey, you
Who? Me? That's right, baby!
Redemption got you snoring? That scene was fucking boring
Have you considered a vocation that is more rewarding?
Because I sense a drop of star potential
With a little boost, that drip could turn torrential

Come on down to V Tower, where we have talent flower
No tellin' how hot you could get once you're backed by our power
Let's start with a killer fit, let's get filler in those lips
Wax that gooch and pull that strip, a-snip, snip, snip

Ooh, all of hell's gonna want you
In this game, no one outdoes us, no one can outbuzz us
All you gotta do is trust us (la-la-la)
Just us (la-la-la), trust us

Take all these starring roles
We trademarked all your holes
There's no such thing as being totally over-exposed
'Cept now they're sick of you 'cause they've seen way too much
But we'll still get the clicks from souls who hate you

Scratch that, they changed the channel, and we can't sell the scandal
Hope you had fun, but we are done with you, your run has cancelled
We're finished, I'm not kidding, get the fuck out of my building
Get the fuck out of my building
Snip, snip, snip, bitch

Ooh, but if you know someone
You tell 'em that no one outdoes us, no one can outbuzz us
All they gotta do is-

Come on in (come on down to V Tower), here's your key
And see how great your afterlife could be
We can live in harmony (why be nice when you can be famous?)
That's the Hazbin (sign and cash in)
Guarantee

Yeah, right, bitch
Trust me, just me
Trust us, no, I, I meant to say us (uh-huh, yeah, okay)