Made In Switzerland

What do you think of Switzerland when you think of Switzerland?
What's the most Swiss thing from Switzerland? (It's not Roger Federer)
Do you think that Switzerland is just the motherland of all the watches, chocolate and
Just a winter wonderland?
No, we have more than yodeling, the best inventions are all made in Switzerland
Uh, for example?

Well, instant coffee, potato peelers and processed cheese
The famous Swiss army knife with clever tools, and a lift for skis
You know, there wouldn't be a rockstar without the electric guitar
Hazel, let's do this
Alright, Sandra

Made in Switzerland, like the zipper and muesli
Made in Switzerland, like the internet or LSD
Made in Switzerland, and when you need transparency
Just use some cellophane that's made in Switzerland

Like the garlic press, take two and one for free
Is made in Switzerland, like our neutral weapon industry
Made in Switzerland, theory of relativity
Is theoretically made in Switzerland

But there's one thing that's more famous and even bigger than the Matterhorn
What could it be?
Here's the absolutely true and never before been told story
Of how the most Swiss invention of all was born

It all started in the mid '50s
In the mid '50s of the 13th century
When this ancient land was in desperate need of a hero who'd unite them all

The colors have changed to sepia, welcome to old Helvetia
This land is rich in poverty, there's hunger, thirst, and misery
We are so poor, the cheese has holes, we need someone to save our souls
Save us from misery, lead us to liberty, here in old Helvetia

But who will lead us to the light?
Is it Heidi? (No)
Is it just a regular Swiss cow? (No)
Is it the wicked witch of the west? (Ooh, no)
And most certainly not Roger Federer (no)
It's our national hero, the Swiss version of Robin Hood, who fights for good
We know him well, it's William Tell

I'm a crossbowman and a hero, but
I just can't stand the sight of blood
I'd rather sing in bright light nights
And dance in sassy tights

I have a vision of a world without division
I have a vision where true love is our mission
So, here's my decision, we do a music competition
And I name this vision "Concours Eurovision de la chanson"
Oh, never mind, let's call my vision "Eurovision"

Made in Switzerland, we celebrate Tell's vision here
Made in Switzerland, on television every year
Made in Switzerland, and now you finally understand
That like the Swiss Eurovision is

Non-political, strictly neutral
Doesn't matter if you're good or brutal
Welcome gender diversity
But with decency and no nudity (nuh-uh)

Sparks of fire and crazy lightning
Make the staging far more frightening
Why the hell is it raining here?
Oh, is it Gjon's tears? No, it's tears from Roger Federer

We've invented democracy, and the voting system too
So blame it on the Swiss if your song won't go through

Made in Switzerland, we've invented ESC
Made in Switzerland, to unite the people peacefully
Made in Switzerland, we sing and dance in harmony
Let's raise our fondue forks in unity
'Cause Eurovision's as you see
All made in Switzerland