Sullivan: The Mikado / Act 1: 8. As Someday It May Happen That A Victim...

As someday it may happen that a victim must be found
I've got a little list
I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground
And who never would be missed
Who never would be missed

There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughts
All children who are up in dates and floor you with them flat
All people who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that
And all third persons who on spoiling tete-a-tetes instist
They'd none of them be missed
They'd none of them be missed

He's got them on the list
He's got them on the list
And they'll none of them be missed
They'll none of them be missed

There's the banjo serenader and the others of his race
And the piano-organist, I've got him on the list
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face
They never would be missed
They never would be missed

Then the idiot who praises with enthusiastic tone
All centuries but this and every country but his own
And the lady from the provinces who dresses like a guy
And who doesn't think she dances, but would rather like to try
And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist
Well, I don't think she'd be missed
I'm sure she'd not be missed

He's got her on the list
He's got her on the list
And I don't think she'll be missed
I'm sure she'll not be missed

And that nisi prius nuisance who just now is rather rife
The judicial humorist, I've got him on the list
All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life
They'd none of them be missed
They'd none of them be missed

And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind
Such as What-do-you-call-him, Thing-em-a-bob, and likewise
Oh, well nevermind
And Tut-tut-tut, and What's-his-name, and also You-know-who
The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you
But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list
For they'd none of them be missed
They'd none of them be missed

You may put them on the list
You may put them on the list
And they'll none of them be missed
They'll none of them be missed