Dancing At The Club
Kevin Hart
5:04I think women put way too much pressure on men, they do Y'all don't even realize how much pressure you put on men Is that your lady right there, man? All right, how long y'all been together? All right, so you know what I mean when I say pressured Like, she expects a lot from you She wants you to provide for her and protect her Whether you realize it or not, she do Like, right now, if a fire break out, right now Big-ass fire, poof, go up in flames First thing she gonna do is look at you like, "Ugh" And you got to come up with a plan in her mind, you know? Baby, get on my back, I'm going to bust us out of here She want to hear something stupid like that Bitch, you better stop dropping roll and find that exit I'm scared too, but that's what women want Women like the security I'm a great provider, I got money, I can pay for stuff I don't mind that I'm not a protector That's where I'm like not that guy You know what I mean? Like women, you want every guy to fight for you That's not me I'm not a fighter I won't say that I am, I will never pretend to be That's not who I am Prime example, let's say me and you go to the movies, right? We at the movies, we having a good time Out of nowhere some guy come up Smack you in the face real hard If you with me, then you just got smacked That's something that just I'm being honest, alright? I'm not, I'm not gonna do nothing about it Now, we can talk about it when we get in the car Let's, let's figure out why it happened And see what we can do to prevent it from happening again, but As far as me like just going and doing something about it I'm not gonna fucking do it Because if he didn't care about your face I know he don't give a fuck about mine That's common sense, two black guys ain't gonna get us home Somebody got the drive, that's what I'm good at I'm a witness, I saw everything When he hit you, I got behind the vending machine 'Cause I didn't want him to know that we were together It's none of his business who I'm with I can't believe he kicked you when you fell That's where I got upset 'Cause you gave up, you didn't wanna fight no more Why would he put his boot to your face? That's just disgusting to me He should be shot I've seen too many people get knocked out That's why I don't like to fight man You ever seen somebody get knocked out, man? Like knocked out, I'm talking about in person Like you witnessed somebody get knocked the hell out It changes your opinion on fighting, doesn't it? When you see somebody get knocked out, you don't wanna fight no more Like damn, that shit look like it hurt I don't know if I wanna I saw somebody get knocked out Me and my boy, we at a club, right? We having a good time, we partying, mm-mm Getting money, mm-mm Getting money We having a good time, right? Out of nowhere, that's how we party because we both small I don't hang with tall people, it was just us, right? So out of nowhere, he gets into an argument with this guy at the bar The guy at the bar got mad, punched my boy in the face Bam! As soon as he hit him, my friend fell asleep Now, when he woke up, he got mad at me He was like, "Kev, how come you ain't get him?" And I was like, "You know what? That's some selfish shit" Because I just saw what he was capable of You know what I mean? Like, he made you go to sleep I'm not tired, I'm wide awake I took a nap, why would I walk right into that ass with him? That's stupid, if he hit me and I go to sleep, who gonna wake who up? You understand what I'm saying? I don't want that problem Ain't nobody tryin' to fall asleep at a bar, that's how you get raped Everybody knows, the percentages of rapes happen When people fall asleep at a bar, I promise you I'm just telling y'all the stuff that I know I saw my uncle getting knocked out one time That might've been the funniest shit I've ever seen in my life 'Cause we was at a family reunion First of all it's a family reunion, it's a picnic It's kids, it's shit around, it's a time for fun My uncle got drunk He get into an argument with this guy over picnic space He like, "Hey man, you and your kids, y'all not no hards" "Y'all need to get the hell out of this picnic space" And the guy was, you know, the guy was like "Look, dude I don't mind moving" "But don't curse at me in front of my kids" So my uncle was drunk He went to curse again but before he got it out the guy hit him You ever see somebody get hit so hard They try to grab everything and go down? It happened so fast My uncle was like, "Let me tell you something, fuck you!" The shit that made me laugh is That he was looking at him the whole way down "I'll just go down, fall, shit, man" Messing up the picnic, change came out his pocket I ain't never seen somebody get hit so hard That change come out they jeans when they standing up You know how hard a nigga gotta hit you For loose change to come out your jeans? Soon as he got hit, 35 cent flew out his pocket He was like, "Damn, huh?" I said, "God damn" He just knocked 35 cent out of Oprah Richard Jr.'s pocket I ain't never seen nobody get hit that hard These are things that I've seen, I've witnessed this, man You gotta know who you are as an individual If you're not a fighter, understand that you're not a fighter I know I'm not a fighter, that's why I carry a whistle I'll blow the shit out of the whistle in somebody's face Fuck with me if you want to You gonna win the fight But you ain't gonna hear shit tomorrow, bitch Put that whistle in your face, bitch It's kinda hard to fight a whistle You gotta know what you good at, what you not good at I'm a good arguer, I can argue But you also gotta know how to get out of things when you argue You ever argue with somebody And then they get up and then your mind You know, you feel a little different about the fight? You gotta know how to get out of it You don't have to fight when you don't think you're gonna win There's certain things you can do To let a person know that you're not ready to fight I was arguing with this guy, we at a club He's sitting down, I'm like, "Dude" I said, "You know what? Say something else to me" "I promise you, I'ma smack the shit out you" "And I mean that" "Say something else, I'ma smack the shit out you" Like, that's my thug look right there You know Thugs get to clapping their hands and stand up "Say something else" On everything I love, I'ma smack the shit out you, B For real, and he got up, and he was bigger than I thought he was And I was like, "Come on, give me a hug, bring it in" I'm serious, this is stupid, come on man There's no reason for us to act You can't fight nobody doing this, come on man There's ways to let people know that you don't want to fight I got one fight move If you get past that, I don't know what to do, I'm confused I'm gonna let y'all see some classified shit right now This is classified, okay? This is my fight move What? Who you talking to? What? Don't make me laugh, this is serious, alright? Look, this is serious right now About to show y'all my fight move, alright? What? Who you talking to? Do you don't know me? Don't talk like you know me, say something now That's it, that's it, that's it, that's it It's real quick, that's classified, alright? I'll show y'all one more time, you get one more peek at it I'm gonna give y'all one more chance to see it, alright? It's real quick, what? Who you talking to? Dude, you don't even know me, you don't even know- Say something, say something, that's it, that's all it is It's a quick shuffle of the feet, that's all I got If you get past that, I'm done, I don't know what to do It confuses people, you can either think I'm about to kick you Punch you, happy feet, you don't know what it is It's a lot of different combinations that come across with that move You gotta know what you're good at as an individual, man I don't know, I'm good at seeing things, I'm good at noticing things Like, I remember one of my friends Got jumped one time, and I was with him, I ran The reason why I ran is because I saw it coming Like, you know, like, you know when you see stuff coming And you start to break it down on your own? Wait a minute, oh shit, wait, oh no, this don't look good They look angry, oh, I took off I'm going to tell you what's bad about running on somebody It's real bad when you run on somebody and they survive the jumping Like, because when you see them, you don't know what to say Like, I didn't know what to say to them I was like, hey, look who's alive Hey, man, how'd you make it out of there? Up top? No? Nothing? No? Up top? Nothing? I saw somebody get kicked in the face before, that shit was funny I think if you get kicked in the face, you deserved it Because that means that you watched the foot come to your face Got to be an asshole to fight somebody using they feet The person I saw get kicked in the face, the reason why I laughed Is because when he got kicked, he looked at us for confirmation Like he needed approval on what just happened He's like, "Ah! Yo! Shit! Yo!" It was him, yeah Better look at his other foot before he kick you again He's good, that guy's good He knows what he's doing When you fight somebody using they feet man Like if we gonna fight, I'm gonna tell you put your hands up Put your hands up, let's fight Now if I go to fight you and you start stretching That mean you know some shit I don't know, I'm not gonna fight you I had an incident where a guy started, well he tried He didn't use it on me, but he was gonna attempt To use his feet I was with my mom, right? Me and my mom, we in the parking lot of Best Buy I'm looking for a parking space Now all the spaces was tooken, but there was one truck About to back into this parking spot But he was taking too long, so I got mad, I stole it I whipped into the spot real fast, ah! Like you know you know when you're wrong Because you put your head down and boy you're winning You don't want to look at him, you start humming, "Hmm, hmm, hmm" Out of nowhere the guy got out the truck, he was like, "Yo man" "I know you saw me about to back into that spot" "If you back out we're going to have a problem" Chinese guy, right? Now with my mom, she ain't going to be no bitch I was like well I guess we got a problem This is how I know I didn't want this problem This is exactly what he did to me He said, "Oh so we got a problem? Do we?" Get in the car, get in the car, ma' Anybody that smack their knees twice is an assassin He about to kick your god damn temple off your face That's what he about to do My mom trying to, why we getting in the god damn car? We ain't killers mom Gotta know who to fight and who not to fight man