You'Re Welcome (Bonus Track)

KURT
Oh no, you can’t just leave. 
RAM
Not when you’re dressed like that.
VERONICA
Dressed like what? That is what I always wear.
KURT
Yeah! And it’s torture.
RAM
How can you expect us to control ourselves when you look so hot?
VERONICA
DEAR DIARY: 
HERE WE ARE IN THE DARK, FIFTY YARDS FROM MY CAR.
I COULD CLIMB THAT TREE -- (reconsidering) I’LL NEVER GET THAT FAR.
THEY’RE A HUNDRED POUNDS HEAVIER, THEY HAVE MY KEYS.
I’M A RAT IN A TRAP. CORRECTION – 
I’M THE CHEESE.

KURT
HEY THERE, GIRL, IGNORE THIS FOOL.
HE TRIES TO PLAY COOL WHILE HE’S DRIBBLIN’ DROOL.
RAM
JUS’ TRYIN’ TO SAY IN OUR FRIENDLY WAY
THAT YOU’VE GOTTEN HOTTER LIKE EVERY DAY.
KURT
OW!!!
RAM
HEY THERE, GIRL, AVOID THIS PUNK.
HE’S HUNGRY FOR A HUNK OF THE JUNK IN YOUR TRUNK.
KURT
THERE IS NO LIE THAT DOG WON’T TRY
WHEN A TASTY TREAT LIKE YOU WALKS BY! CAUSE:
RAM & KURT
ONCE YOU WERE GEEKY AND NERDY.
NOW YOU’RE FLIRTY, FREAKY AND DIRTY.
KURT
YOU WERE NOTHING, AND NOBODY,
RAM
BUT NOW YOU’RE GOOD ENOUGH TO –
RAM & KURT.
GET WITH ME! HUH!
RAM, KURT, CHORUS OF DUDES
YOU’RE WELCOME! LOOK WHERE YOU ARE!
YOU’RE WELCOME! YOU’VE WON THE FOOTBALL STAR!
YOU’RE WELCOME!
RAM
BABY, WHAT’S THAT SMELL?
KURT
THAT’S THE SMELL OF ME LOVING YOU WELL!
RAM, KURT, CHORUS OF DUDES
YOU’RE WELCOME!
VERONICA
THIS IS NOT A DRILL, THIS IS NOT A BAD DREAM.
IN A COW PASTURE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM.
NEVER BREAK THEIR STARE, STAY AWAKE, STAY AWARE.
YOU’RE NOT IN REAL DANGER
TILL THEY GRAB YOUR HAI–IIIIAAAAGH!
RAM
COME BACK, GIRL, NOW DON’T PLAY HURT.
IF YOU DON’T WANT ME STARIN’, WHY YOU WEARIN’ THAT SKIRT?
KURT
WE CAN’T BE TAMED AND WE CAN’T BE BLAMED.
IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT THAT WE’RE INFLAMED! CAUSE
RAM & KURT
ONCE YOU WERE GRODY AND GROTTY,
RAM
NOW YOU GOT A BODY LIKE A MASERATI.
RAM & KURT
STROKE MY FUR, MAKE ME PURR.
KURT
HEY, YOU WANTED TO BE
RAM, KURT, CHORUS OF DUDES
POPULAR!
KURT
HIT ME!
RAM
Huh!
RAM, KURT, CHORUS OF DUDES
YOU’RE WELCOME! LOOK WHERE YOU ARE!
YOU’RE WELCOME! COME GET YOUR FOOTBALL STAR!
YOU’RE WELCOME!
RAM
YOU'VE JOINED THE PROS!
KURT
ONE WE SQUEEZE YOU, YOU’LL STAY SQUOZE!
RAM
YOU’RE WELCOME IN MY LAP, WELCOME ON MY KNEE!
KURT
WELL, COME ON AND GET GRABBY IN THE GRASS WITH ME!
VERONICA
I GOT ONE LAST CHANCE TO SAVE MY ASS.
WHAT WAS THAT MOVE FROM SELF-DEFENSE CLASS?
KURT
I’LL STEAL YOUR HEART LIKE A THIEF,
RAM
BRING YOU SWEET RELIEF.
KURT
CALL ME WENDY CAUSE YOU’LL NEVER WONDER
RAM, KURT, CHORUS OF DUDES
“WHERE’S THE BEEF!”
VERONICA
THEY’RE A POWDER KEG, SO DON’T YELL OR BEG.
STAY FRIENDLY, THEN GENTLY,
“ACCIDENTALLY,” SWEEP THE LEG.
RAM 
Agh! This mud stinks!
KURT 
Ugh, gross!
VERONICA
YOU’RE WELCOME!
KURT
BACK UP, FOOL, YOU REEK!
VERONICA
YOU’RE WELCOME.
KURT
WELL, YOU SMELL LIKE A SEWAGE LEAK!
VERONICA
YOU’RE WELCOME.
KURT 
WAIT, DUDE, I’M PRETTY SURE…
THIS AIN’T MUD, IT’S –
KURT & RAM
COW MANURE!
VERONICA, CHORUS OF DUDES
YOU’RE WELCOME!
KURT & RAM
AAGGHHH! MAN, IT’S EVERYWHERE!
VERONICA, CHORUS OF DUDES
YOU’RE WELCOME!
KURT & RAM
OH GOD, IT’S IN MY HAIR!
VERONICA, CHORUS OF DUDES
YOU’RE WEL —
KURT & RAM
HEY, GIRL, LET’S NOT DWELL –
RAM
ON THE SMELL –
KURT
YOU CAN TELL –
KURT, RAM, CHORUS OF DUDES
I CAN STILL BE LOVIN’ YOU WELL!
VERONICA
SWELL.
KURT, CHORUS OF DUDES
 NO, I’LL BE LOVIN’ HER WELL!
VERONICA
SEE YOU IN HELL!
RAM, CHORUS OF DUDES
NO, I’LL BE LOVIN’ HER WELL!
KURT, RAM, CHORUS OF DUDES
NO, I’LL BE! I’LL BE! I’LL BE! I'LL BE
LOVIN’ LOVIN’ LOVIN’ LOVIN’ LOVIN’ HER WELL!
VERONICA, RAM, KURT, CHORUS OF DUDES
YOU’RE WELCOME!
YOU’RE WELCOME! 
YOU’RE WELCOME!