Miracle

My mummy says I'm a miracle
My daddy says I'm his special little guy
I am a princess, I am a prince
Mum says I'm an angel sent down from the sky

My daddy says I'm his special little soldier
No one is as bold or tough as me
Has my daddy told you? One day when I'm older
I can be a soldier and punch you in the face

Take another picture of our pumpkin from this angle over here
I know we oughtn't say this, but she's clearly cuter than her peers
What a dear! Yoo-hoo, honey, look at mummy
Try not to vomit on your brother
Now smile for mummy, smile for mother
I think she blinked, well, take another

Have you seen what he can do?
Is that unusual for day two?
Is smilin' early, not a sign of an exceptional IQ
She's just delightful, so intuitive, so insightful
Might he be a little brighter than the norm?
I know to say it's frightful form

(Take another picture)
My mummy says I'm a miracle
One look at my face, and it's plain to see
Ever since the day doctor chopped the umbilical cord
It's been clear, there's no peer for a miracle like me

My mummy says I'm a miracle
That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball
You can be all cynical, but it's a truth empirical
There's never been a miracle, as factually, spectacularly
Actually, miraculously
Fabulous, a miracle as me

A baby?
I'm not having a baby, what on Earth gives you that idea?
I'm not listenin' to this, this is quackery
But, you're about to give birth
Are you out of your mind?
Mrs. Wormwood, you're having a contraction
I'm not having contractions!
Contractions are for pregnant woman, who are having babies
I'm having a little stinkin' baby!

Every life, I bring into this world
Restores my faith in humankind (I'm not worried)
Each newborn life, a canvas yet unpainted
Their still unbroken skin, their uncorrupted minds

Every little life is unbelievably unlikely
Their chances of existence, almost infinitely small
The most common thing in life is life

And yet, every single life
Every new life is a miracle (miracle)

What? A girl
What? You mean my son is a girl?
I mean that your daughter is a girl
Yeah, but the balloons, doctor, I mean, the balloons, they say a boy
Mr. Wormwood, your wife has just given birth
To a beautiful, healthy, happy little girl
She's perfect
This is fantastic news

Why do bad things always happen to good people?
Fine upstanding citizens, like you and me
Why, when we've done nothing wrong
Should this disaster come along?
This horrible (miracle)
Weird looking (miracle)
Hairy, little stinky thing
With no sign of a winky-ding at all

Every life is a miracle
Every life is a miracle
Every life is a miracle

My mummy says I'm a miracle
One look at my face, and it's plain to see
Ever since the day doctor chopped the umbilical cord
It's been clear, there's no peer, for a miracle like me

My mummy says I'm a miracle
That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball
You can be all cynical, but it's a truth empirical
There's never been a miracle, a miracle as, a miracle as

My mummy says I'm a lousy little worm
My daddy says I'm a bore
My mummy says I'm a jumped-up little germ
That kids like me should be against the law

My daddy says I should learn to shut my pie hole
No one likes a smart-mouthed girl like me
Mum says I'm a good case for population control
Dad says I should watch more TV