Did I Ever Wake Up?, Pt. 2

I've always gravitated to the word "enlightened." It seems to be a
Destination in everyone's GPS, but what does it really mean?
I believe the word is solely defined by whom you ask. My definition
Of enlightened is an individual who can control his or her thoughts
I'm going to share with you a method I designed years ago on my path
To enlightenment. You'll learn how I became the ringleader of the
Circus in my mind. But before we get into that, I must be blatantly
Clear: I was not always living in a state of constant positivity. In
Fact, for 18 years of my life I was an extremely stubborn person
Known for having one hell of a bad temper. As a child, I spent a lot
Of time on my own. The first portion of my life I grew up in the
Rural countryside of Corcoran, Minnesota. I really can't imagine a
More rounded place to be raised in than Minnesota. Growing up there
I got a taste of every season. At 6:30 AM on a cold winter morning
The last thing anyone wants to do is go stand at the bus stop. But we
Had to, and furthermore, we had to learn how to enjoy it. We lived on
A three-acre farmhouse with no neighbors in sight. The only people I
Knew that existed were my mom, dad, and sister. My mother was a
Wholesome lady born and raised in the Midwest; my father
A motorcycle-riding rebel without a cause. The thought of the two of
Them being together was something like a blizzard in July. They were
Young and in love, but my father turned out to be more unfaithful
Than a gas tank on E and one day he ran out. Not just from his wife
But from his children as well. They got divorced and from this point
On a woman would teach me how to be a man. During the ages five to
Ten I did a lot of moving around with my mom and sister. I didn't
Know it then, but we were jumping from city to city simply to
Survive. At the time of the divorce my mom was working in the
Warehouse of my dad's trucking company. When the marriage ended, so
Did her paychecks. Not only that, but my father was doing anything
He could think of to avoid paying child support. She now had two
Kids, no money, no job, no house, and no partner. Mom was standing
Toe-to-toe with the biggest challenge of her life and refused to
Blink. I'll never forget receiving care packages from my grandparents
And eating oranges for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This all just
Added fuel to the fire as she became more determined than ever to
Provide for her family and change our current circumstances. The only
Thing to follow a problem is a solution. Eventually mom landed a
Great job and we relocated to Bloomington, Minnesota. This
Environment was very different than what I had been used to. It's a
Very populated suburb that sits just south of Minneapolis. It was
Built off interactions and relationships with others, which I had
Absolutely no skills at. Assuming it would be easy for me to make
Friends, mom recommended I sign up for some sports at school. So
I began playing hockey, lacrosse, baseball, and golf. Instantly I
Found myself surrounded by peers, but instead of making friends
I made them my competition. At this point growing up without a
Father figure in my life began to affect me. During practices and
Games I'd look around and see my teammates' fathers cheering them
On and in some cases even coaching the team. I started to realize
My family situation wasn't exactly normal or similar to most of
Theirs. Since I spent so much time by myself, I never learned how
To take a loss. I had to be the best and needed to impress and
Outshine others. I was very hard on myself, and in turn, would allow
These emotions to boil up until I lashed out in fits of anger
Episodes like this would follow me for many years. At one point in
School my math teacher even recommended to my mom that
I get tested for bipolar disorder. I wasn't in control
Of my emotions, they were being controlled by my thoughts
I was very confused and determined to fix this, so I took
Matters into my own hands. Here's what I came up with
Inside my head sits a dresser. You know, the kind of dresser you keep
Clothes in with top, middle, and bottom drawers. Anytime a negative
Or undesired thought enters my head I immediately place it in the
Bottom drawer and slam it shut. Then, I open my top drawer and allow
The thought-erasing to begin. That's where I keep all the things that
Can instantaneously make me happy. It's like how a certain smell can
Trigger a memory or how a song can magically bring you back to a
Place in time. We all have memories of past feelings that make us
Happy. The goal is to place these memories in your top drawer
The moment I open up my top drawer vibrant colors explode into
The air illuminating music notes, birds, paintings, palm trees
Oceans, and many other beautiful sights I've captured while
Traveling the world. Within one second you can completely erase
Any negative thoughts by simply thinking about things that make
You happy. The ability to let go of memories is one of the most
Powerful tools we possess. I can honestly forget about the initial
Negative thought immediately and you can too. Over the years plenty
People have told me they think I have a "bad memory." What these
People don't understand is that I have a selective memory. I choose
What I want to remember. If I decide to remember something, I'll be
Able to tell you everything about that memory until my dying day
To say that you're dreaming right now would essentially mean no one
Else exists without your effort. It's saying that you're solely
Responsible for creating everything in your life; that without you
The world would not exist. That's exactly how you're supposed to
Feel. I'm at the top of my list and I'm not afraid to admit it
I'm not the least bit ashamed and you shouldn't be either. The word "
Selfish" has been abused and misused since its origin. For some
Reason, we've attached a negative connotation to this misunderstood
Word. I'm here to restore its dignity. By no means am I saying you
Shouldn't help out others in need because in my opinion there is
Nothing more gratifying than being told "thank you." What I'm saying
Is until you've helped yourself, you're not helping anyone else
This is your life and it's time to start focusing on you. The first
Song of mine that really caught people's attention was called "
No Girlfriend." From the outside looking in it sounds like a typical
Rap song about being promiscuous with a bunch of girls and not
Being faithful with one in particular. Let's take a closer look
I've always had an addictive personality
To things I feel strongly about
Whatever caught my attention at the
Time, I would submerse myself in it
When I first saw Travis Barker play drums, I picked
Up drumsticks and studied every Blink 182 song
When I first saw Danny Way air out of a halfpipe
I skated every day until my shoes had no soles
When I first heard Eyedea freestyle, I started to rhyme
The same went for when I had feelings for someone
The person wouldn't leave my mind for a second, and if I didn't
Know what they were doing at all times, it would drive me mad
Then came "No Girlfriend"
I used to record in my mom's garage in Bloomington
One night, just as I was about to shut down the
Computer, I was hit hard with a moment of clarity
I suddenly realized how significant it was to have yourself
On point before you offer half of your time to someone else
From here on out, I wanted to spend 100% of my time focused on me
I'm a very career-driven individual, and when
I understood this, everything began to click
I would become successful in every aspect of what
I was pursuing before entering another relationship
I'm not saying you should push people away and become a loner
What I'm saying is, you have the choice to spend
The maximum amount of time focused on your goals
It's your call
But the choice you make will be the deciding factor
In how long it takes for you to get what you want
The more time you spend thinking about
What you want, the faster you will get it
I was so inspired by this wake-up call
That I had to immediately start writing
The second I put my pen to that page, it didn't
Stop moving until the song was completed
The first sentence on that page was "
No girlfriend 'til I make a million"
The reference to making a million
Doesn't have anything to do with money
Rather, it symbolizes a form of success in the general public's eyes
Within one hour, the song was written and recorded inside Mom's garage
It's my right to become successful and take
Advantage of the years I've been given
Every dream you want to pursue is
Waiting for you to introduce yourself
Now is the time to say hello
The time to hesitate has passed
I've always found it interesting that you can walk into any
Establishment and see one thing about the employees: ages
Old and young people all work under the same roof
You can go into any fast food restaurant and notice
Just as many people under 40 as you do over 40
The older people are able to maintain a living and pay whatever
Bills they may have off the same jobs you can get as a 16-year-old
Spend your years chasing true ambitions
You're never too old, and it's never too
Late to dive head-first into the dream