Intro

And now, our feature presentation
This is it
Five, four, three, two, one

(Hello?)
Here it is, y'all, here it is, y'all, y'all been waitin' on it
Y'all been anticipating (who the fuck, who is this?)
You been talkin' about it, been askin' me
(You don't call my personal number, what the hell wrong with you?)

I can't get y'all off of me, y'all been waitin' (come on)
Tommy, when you gon' do it? (Ain't you got something else to do?)
E-mailin' me (man, come on, don't do me like that, friend)
When you gon' put it out there? Since you so bold like you
Uncut, uncensored (I ain't cursed at you yet)
This is the coldest motherf-, uh-uh, hold up, cap, uh-uh, uh-uh
Don't beep that, don't beep that
This is uncut and uncensored

This is the baddest prank phone call CD in the land
(Uh, is you yelling at me?)
(Ain't nobody hollin' at you, man)
I said it, I ain't taking none of it back
(Don't call my motherfuckin' house no more)
(Damn, fool, can't believe you callin' the damn locs)
I got 20 tracks for you
(I believe this conversation is over) don't hang up on me
Uncle Steve wish he could be here cussin' with me over here

(Whatever, dead list me, like your motherfuckin' ass is retarded)
Now, get your kids and put them up
I done put mine up
(Man, you got the node to put my daughter, motherfucker?)
Mine ain't listening to it either (y'all some dirty-)
I'm tellin' you, this ain't rated G
(I mean, how you get my goddamn number, man?)
It ain't rated PG-13 either (are you stupid, motherfucker?)

Don't make me whoop your ass now
Get all your folks around
(Listen to me, you listen to me)
(This, fuck you)
Y'all get some Hennessey, some E&J
That's right, erk and jerk
(What's goin' with you, nigga)
(I don't have a problem buryin' you with the word)
Sit back, tilt your head

Turn the CD up loud and watch Tommy act a damn fool
(Man, speak up, I can't hear you, who is this?)
I am
(Quit being abusive, tell me who the fuck I'm fuckin' with)
The best
(Motherfucker, get mad, motherfucker)
Prank phone call maker in the world
(Who the fuck you tryna pay, nigga?)

(This is fuckin' incredible)
(Now, what you gonna do?)
I don't have a problem kickin' your black ass (you're tryin' to ass on me)
You gon' get your ass whooped by a blind man
(Who the fuck do you think you talkin' to?)
Now you gon' either give me some money or I'ma get it out your ass
(Please, get your life, motherfucker, get the best while you can)
Who you think you talkin' to? (I'm gonna kill your ass)
You ain't finna do nothin' to me
('Cause I'm gonna put this nine in yo motherfuckin' ass)

You not gon' do nothin' my brother
(You're a lightweight cupcake ass nigga)
Don't make me whoop yo' ass (who the fuck is this, man?)
This is Nephew Tommy from the Steve Harvey Morning Show
You just got pranked

(Oh no, no, oh, hell no)
(Un-fucking-believable, man)
(I cannot believe this bullshit)
(Nephew, how the fuck you got me?)
Oh, we know how to cuss
Now sit yo' ass down, watch how this shit go
Oh, I hope y'all put your kids up