Visionary

I feel your jaws start to wrap around my neck
So disgusted with how I left
I feel the anguish in my bones, watch them snap I turn to stone
Try to ignore the pain

I see the flesh around my heart rotted with hate
This wooden home, it screams my name
No grand design above the sky
Skin is burning with the lie watch me embrace the void

Im a waste, im a vermin, a piece of shit, hurting
Doesn't matter if I stay I'm always just lurking
The ghost between us, the floorboards and concrete
It doesn't matter now when you don't amount to something

To people that you thought just really cared
But they leave you on the ground when you're choking, not coping
And now you're embraced by the emptiness you never loved
And you're watching as he consumes everything you came to trust

Down the alleys where you grew up and you never understood
What it means to just care, what it means to just stare
With the blank eyes when someone's just falling
To suicidal tendencies, they always get the best of me

So tell me why you're never fucking calling
Never checking on me until you need something to waste your time
Just leave me the fuck alone
Cus id rather be dead to you than something

Yeah depression hits me up, says he loves who you are now
I want nothing to do with you
Invade my dreams and give me nothing, no I couldn't see you bluffing
Find a lover, feel disgusted from you

Feel my consciousness hit my stomach, weighs a ton it's dragging
Me down
I got nothing to give to you
You took the best then left me stranded, filled with hate
Then reprimanded
Come tomorrow empty-handed from you

So bury me out the back where I can't hear a thing
I don't want to be something more than a dream
But you know that's not fair how you're always in mine
Always plaguing my thoughts waking up and your gone

My friends say that it doesn't get better than this
Is being tormented just some form of a bliss
These glass walls that I construct just seem to crack
And like a puppet I just always come back

Yeah so it always turns this way when your friends turn fake
And you don't have a lover to remember your name
So you crumble at the fear when you don't know yourself
Pills from a psychiatrist, yeah it sucks they couldn't help

With the constant torment knowing that you never will belong
With the piercing stares from family where they love to
Prove you wrong
Like what you do for work yeah your looking half alive
Yeah I swear I have been on repeat since I nearly died

Say you wanna understand but you can't, I never said I wanna
Be alive long
It feels like im not living in my body
Like who am I to you, am I just a joke of someone that I used to be
Use me, abuse me until you leave again, im sick of living like
I want to kill myself