Virtue'S Last Reward (Feat. Ben Schuller)

My virtues paid
It's my last reward

Only started rapping cause somebody said I couldn't
Kept on making music cause nobody said I shouldn't
Never thought I'd make but nobody said I wouldn't
When you've done it long enough you get out what you put in

I was never special but I had passion and put the work in
All I made was garbage I didn't need to be perfect
It is kinda freeing to know that you don't deserve it
Did this for myself so I didn't need to be nervous

Did this for myself so I didn't need to be hurting
Focused on the music and everything I was learning
I was having fun with it, never needed a purpose
Earnest, I was just happy they could've heard it

Burn it, I feel that feeling has been deserted
I'm sick of making music, sick of feeling like I'm worthless
Sick of staying up all night and
Stressing bout my words and now I'm sick of
All the pressure that's rising up to the surface

I've been drowning in the silence of a bad dream
They all love it but don't know a thing about me
Body running on a mix of stress and caffeine
Nothings changing, they are moving on without me

I paved my way to the top
So what
I don't even know what it's all for
I've made mistakes that I've not forgot
My virtues paid
It's my last reward

I don't even listen to other music, that people make
I can't help comparing and driving my fucking self insane
All my peers around me keep on pushing hard to innovate
I'm just so exhausted but I'm trying not to feel ashamed

Feel Ashamed
Fuck
I should be happy but I cannot help but feel this way
Every night it feels the same
Every night I'm struggling to live up to the bar they raised
Every word I write I hate
I don't even feel like I belong on stage

Shut down the voice in my head
I should just do this for me

I do not know what I want
I do not know what I need

People keep giving my love
And they want me to succeed

I have no drive anymore
I do not have any dreams

I paved my way to the top
So what
I don't even know what it's all for
I've made mistakes that I've not forgot
My virtues paid
It's my last reward

Where did the fun go
Where did the joy after making a song go
How did it get so aggressive and cutthroat
Heart is not in it
I'm stopping the blood flow
Stopping the clock
Stopping the journey I feel like I'm lost
Stopping to think of the things I've forgot
I cannot be who I am with this weight on my back
I will never be someone I'm not

I've been drowning in the silence of a bad dream
They all love it but don't know a thing about me
Body running on a mix of stress and caffeine
Nothings changing, they are moving on without me

I paved my way to the top
So what
I don't even know what it's all for
I've made mistakes that I've not forgot
My virtues paid
It's my last reward

Woaah
It's my last reward
Woaah
It's my last reward