Heartbeat

I feel like DB, I've been stuck with all this rage
Nothings feels the same but I'm stubborn to the changes
That I need to make just to get out of this place
Mr Lonely, barely coping, twenty billies to the face
People changed feel the tension in the air
She left me at my lowest guess she never really cared
I can front like I ain't bothered when there's money in my pocket
Pills for me to pop and a thotty in my bed
But it never lasts forever, I'm severing the tether
My temper gets affected by these temporary pleasures
Self medication for the self inflicted pressure
See the devil in my dreams, he said I'll never get to heaven
Post traumatic stress makes me feel like I'm possessed
Murder on my mind can't get the visions out my head
Suicidal urges I repeatedly repress
DB's never coming back, I feel that it my chest
Drew's never coming back, now I don't feel my heart beat
But I feel my heart break every time I think of Garvie
He was nineteen when he took his last breath
And he just got clean, how the fuck is that fair
I ain't trying play the victim, just losing my religion
I miss my big bro, he's always in and out the system
I'm staying out trouble so I've gotta keep my distance
But crew love is true love, I hope he knows I miss him
Vosc-Troops still the crew, we've lost a couple soldiers
Horid's twenty-one forever, he's never getting older
Lit a fire in my soul, but my heart keeps getting colder
Last time I saw DB he was crying on my shoulder
Said he can't stay sober, still feels like Drews death was his fault
I hugged him and said I'm dealing with the same shit bro
Hit my phone if you need to, I wouldn't of let go of you
If I knew that's the last time I'd see you
Cunts still wonder why I'm over-protective
Wonder why I struggle to maintain new friendships
I'm terrified they'll end up like most of my friends did
I touch it, it breaks, my love is a death wish
Tears running down my face as I'm running through the rain
Putting on a brave face suffer through the pain
It ain't weak to speak, there's just nothing left to say
Suicide doesn't stop the pain, it just passes it to your mates
Don't tell me it was fate, get the fuck out of my face
Ungrateful, maybe, don't give fuck about the fame
My brain is like a maze that I cannot escape
The pills where meant to help, they've only sunken in my face
Times slipping through my fingers, I'm trying to seize the day
How do I let go out of the past when the past is where you'll stay
Intrusive suicidal thoughts fucking up my day"Boxcutter to the wrist, I been fucking up my veins" I'm in pain
Yeah, intrusive suicidal thoughts keep fucking up my day"Boxcutter to my wrist, I been fucking up my veins" I'm in pain