Dax Pulsar

Narrator: So Scoochie bid farewell to his mother the volcano
Scooch: All right bye, MagMa!
Narrator: and hopped in a Ciroc-et ship and blasted the hell off
Meanwhile, in the Polaris sector
A convoy of Dataspice Pirates was getting picked apart by a lone pilot
But not just any pilot
The best god damn pilot in the galaxy: Dax Pulsar
Dax: Helen, play Jazz Mix Alpha
Narrator: The space battle made no sound in the cool leather interior
Of the Risin Rust II
Which Dax had decorated with his own accolades, like a Five Guys
He was the loosest of cannons, with over 300 confirmed kills
And that's not even counting intended targets
In a galaxy of bad-asses, his ass was the worst
Dax: Some guys like boobs, some guys like butts
Me? I'm a jazz man
Whaddya think Helen?
Helen: I don't know
You really wanna open your whole memoir with that?
I feel like people know you more for the pilot thing
Dax: Yeah but that's what I'm saying is flying is jazz
Helen: I mean yeah but maybe a lot of things are like jazz
Cuz jazz is kind of all over the place
Dax: What?
Helen: You have an incoming transmission from Lord Blomp
Blomp: It is I!! Lord Blomp, Commander of the Cosmic Legion!
Devourer of the Hot Ice Planet! Keeper of the canoe
Dax: Who's the mark
Blomp: wasn't done, but... Behold, the dossier!
Dax: Deal
Blomp: Excellent. Soon the Blomp empire shall rule the Galaxy
From the Crystal Moons of the Shnork
To Capital One Presents: Mars, to the
Helen: You probably shouldn't hang up on him like that
Dax: Just tell him comms are down
Helen: with what? Comms?
Dax: Now... who the hell is Scoochie Boochie?