Separate Checks

It always happens 
Immediately after a good time 
Saturday night
All the boys looking for a place to unwind

Let's go grab a bite
It's hollered from the back
But there's 40 of us 
The waitress is going to have a heart attack 

Separate checks 
Or I just won't go
Separate checks 
Everybody already knowswho

Separate checks 
My friends are all scumbags 
Separate checks please
Keep track of your own tab

Look around you it's all lobster and steak 
Kyle ordered a red wine and a piece of chocolate cake 
The check arrives and the tables no longer filled
Everybody's in the bathroom and you're the sucker holding the bill

Doesn't matter
How long you've been down
If you're the last one to eat 
Better put your card down 

And make sure to tip well 

Split the bill?
I know you fuckin lyin
You touched it first
So now you're buying

And find your own ride home

Separate checks 
It's the only way I can live
Separate checks 
I don't know how much more money I can give

Separate checks 
You put 10 bucks in the stack
Separate checks
You're insane if you think that even covers your tax

Separate checks
Or I just won't go
Separate checks 
No one paid for this merlot "