If Somebody There Chanced To Be

If somebody there chanced to be
Who loved me in a manner true
My heart would point him out to me
And I would point him out to you
But here it says of those who point
Their manners must be out of joint

You may not point
You must not point
It's manners out of joint to point
Ah!

Had I the love of such as he
Some quiet spot he'd take me to
And he would whisper it to me
And I could whisper it to you
But whispering, I've somewhere read
Is contrary to etiquette

Where can it be?
Now let me see
Yes, yes
It's contrary to etiquette

If any well-bred youth I knew
Polite and gentle, neat and trim
Then I would hint as much to you
And you could hint as much to him
But here it says in clear as print
It's most unladylike to hint

You may not hint
You must not hint
It says you mustn't hint in print
Ah!

And if I loved him through and through
True love, and not a passing thrill
Then I could speak of it to you
And you could speak of it to him
But here I find it doesn't do
To speak until you're spoken to

Where can it be?
Now let me see
Yes, yes
Don't speak until you're spoken to