The Bank

-Phone ringing
Good morning, AIB Bank, -bleep-, how may I help you?
How's it goin'? A-AIB, is it?
That's right, yeah
Um, I-I was in there yesterday, I was applying for a loan, right?
Mhm
And, uh, I-I sat down with, uh, one of the girls
At a table, now, I'm not sure which one it was
What kind of, um, loan were you lookin' for?
Um, it was actually a car loan, right? But I-I sat down
With her, now, what actually happened is, um, as I was sittin'
Down at-at the table, she gave me out the form, anyway
Everything was going grand, to-to sign away, you know?
Mhm
Now, as I put my head down to sign that form, she took out a big
Balloon and burst it in my ear, and it actually, it caused a ringing
In my ear, and I had to actually leave, I didn't get any loan
I walked out and left after having a big balloon burst in
My ear. Now, that's not the only point, right? The ringing
In the, in my ears caused by that balloon bursting, it caused
Me to forget about an Euro that I had in my arse pocket
And it melted, and it-it just destroyed the back pocket of my
Pants. Now, I'm ringin' ye because I want my pants replaced
Alright, can you bear with me one second? Um, what did the
Girl look like that you were dealing with her? Did you
Get her name or anything, did ya? And what's your own name?
I didn't, unfortunately, I didn't get her name at all
And what's your own name?
My name's Liam Flegg
And do you have an account here, Liam?
I don't, I just went in there yesterday. If I could talk to
Someone either in power or the girl who you think it might be
Now, I think she mighta had a kind of an auburn hair, you know?
Okay, um, was it out of the customers, had she long hair, or?
I haven't a clue, I sat down at the desk while she gave me
Out the form, I signed it, looked down at the form, everything
Going well, and a balloon in my ear burst, with a pin, I'd
Say it was a pin or a hairpin, I don't know, maybe even a comb
I couldn't imagine anyone bursting a
Balloon, this is AIB William Street
AIB William Street, it certainly happened, 'cause I'm not
Makin' it up, right? And my pants are destroyed, it caused
Me to forget about an Euro I had in my pants, the Euro
Actually melted, and it wouldn't have melted if there wasn't
A ringing in my ear, I would've eaten it. My pants are ruined
Okay, just bear with me a second, thanks
Hello?
How's it goin', yeah?
Um, sorry, I'm just after askin' all the girls out there at the
Customer service now, none of them remember your name or remember
Havin' anybody in, or definitely don't remember burstin' a balloon
Well, it definitely happened, and it was an
AIB balloon, now, I'm actually after makin' a-
We don't have any balloons here
I'm after actually makin' a mistake, I'm gonna have to go back on
What I said, uh, to a certain extent, 'cause it wasn't actually an
Euro in my pocket, it was a Toblerone that actually melt. But listen
Alright, now, first of all, there was the incident of the destroyed
Pants, right? That's number one, and I'm just after rememberin'
Somethin' now. This morning, I went into a shop, right, and I opened
Up a box of Smarties, and I got a panic attack, right? And that's
Because of ye burstin' the balloon in my ear, now. That's not even
Talk if I went to a balloon factory what would happen, right? If I
Can't even eat Smarties 'cause I get a panic attack, do you know
What I'm talkin' about? Who's the girl that did it, 'cause I wanna
Talk to her? Whoever was responsible for givin' me that loan, right?
I see, she must be on her lunch
She's on her lunch now? Are you takin' me seriously? That's not very
Fair, alright? I've- and you know what? I've three pairs of pants
Right? I have one from Monday to Wednesday, Wednesday to Friday
Friday to Sunday, right? What am I supposed to wear Saturday, like?
Go down in my jocks? Or wear one of my wife's pants? Like, what
Am I supposed to do? I'm not supposed to wear a dress. It's not
Funny, alright? If a pair of the arse pocket of the pants has got
A Toblerone melted all over it, right? And not only that, it was
The one with the honeycomb, honeycomb Toblerones, you know them ones?
I'm sorry, no, your story is very funny, so I'm sorry for laughin'
I can appreciate that it is funny, right, but please, I'm askin' you
Now, not sympathy, but empathy. I need you to put yourself in my
Situation, right? My pants are ruined, they were Levis, them ones
You know? I mean, Levis don't grow on trees, like, I know they're
Made out of cotton, like, it's on theory they grow in a field, but I
Want new pants. What are ye gonna do about it? Hello? Have
Ye got a helicopter inside there as well? Have ye got a
Helicopter in there? Are ye havin' a party, laughin' at me
With helicopters and balloons, is that what you're doin'?
Eatin' lobsters. I can't believe ye, this is absolutely
Terrible, a man with no pants and you're treatin' me like this