Sorry To Fade

currently, I'm sober and bothered by everything
still trying to find a connection
with anyone willing to befriend.
maybe over coffee or pizza or dms
i thought in my 30s things would be different
but I'm a loner at heart.

hit a wall, fading early
didn't see it coming,
must've gone too hard in my 20s
off to bed at 10 up at 6, I'm over this
how is this any fun for anyone

but now I'm having more trouble coping in social settings
and I keep digging myself a bigger hole to climb out of
this self doubt, and unbalanced mindset
I'm over trying,
but need to find a better way to assimilate with you
without destroying myself
in search for becoming something else.

the world seemed nicer when I was in a daze
and the future was looking bright

surely I'm still missing something,
but nothing has calmed all these racing thoughts yet,
So I'm starting to sound apprehensive again