I Called Someone To Fix It (Feat. Charlie Luscombe)

My bathroom tap was leaking so I set about to seeking some advice
From the good old internet
Which caused me some frustration with conflicting information
So I have to have a sit-down, pour myself a drink instead
The picture 'ere was falling, so to avoid the need for calling someone out
Who might charge us through the teeth
I acquired a Black and Decker, though did not set out to wreck her
Perfectly good bit of plastering what once sat just beneath

The job conspired against me, ill preparation came to bite
The end result could hardly have been worse
I had simply failed to do the job I'd been entrusted to
So I folded in and I did what I really should have done at first

I called someone to fix it, I called somebody over
I've no desire to do this with or without a hangover
My partner has been asking me to do this for a while
And so I tell her, and say to her with a sad and weary smile
It would require some basic skill, or some modicum of will
And reliance on assistance from a friend
And that's why I never try even simple DIY
I have to call someone to fix it in the end

We want to put up shelves so we can satisfy ourselves with all the things
That we've acquired throughout the years
So I set about to drilling and then very nearly killing myself
Or causing lasting damage through the long-frustrated tears

The bathroom tiles want grouting and I know I'll end up shouting at myself
As I somehow cause a wreck
Without sufficient tools or any knowledge of the rules
That others seem to know instinctively without any need to check

This lack of expertise always brings me to my knees
And midway through I'll likely have a change of heart
As I cry, offer a foul explete, and then throw in the towel
As I resign myself to doing what I should have from the start

I'll call someone to fix it, I'll call somebody over
I've no desire to do this with or without a hangover
My partner has been asking me to do this for a while
And so I tell her, and say to her with a sad and weary smile
It would require some basic skill, or some modicum of will
Or reliance on assistance from a friend
And that's why I never try even simple DIY
I have to call someone to fix it in the end

I called someone to fix it, I called somebody over
I've no desire to do this with or without a hangover
My partner has been asking me to do this for a while
And so I tell her, and say to her with a sad and weary smile
It would require some basic skill, or some modicum of will
Or reliance on assistance from a friend
And that's why I never try even simple DIY
I have to call someone to fix it in the end