Tory Novelty Toff (Feat. Ben Dawson)

The Tories are having rather a funny time of late
Brexit talks have not lived up to expectations
And apparently dismantling our beloved welfare state
Might not play too well for party public relations
Tax cuts for the rich while raising tuition fees
Didn't seem to win them any young fans
What's needed is a quick fix that is guaranteed to please
And won't impact on any other plans
The Tories need another novelty toff
Now Boris Johnson's become rather a bore
The smug Etonian candour makes the strategy seem grander
And it's played well with the public before
The Tories need another novelty toff
Someone the people will adore
Success on have-I-got-news disguises problematic views
And will have them screaming out for more
Public school arrogance and sharp cutting wit
Always make for good soundbites in TV reports
In fact they can turn MPs into something of a hit
And help to mobilise grassroots support
Why depend on manifesto quality
When a turn of phrase can shut the opposition down?
Success need not rely on having strength of policy
When your figurehead's a plebian charming clown
The Tories need another novelty toff
To mobilise the electorate again
With eloquence and finesse one can destroy the NHS
And treat the lower class with thinly veiled disdain
The Tories need another novelty toff
A quaint view of privilege that will sell
With clever-worded memes they can win over middle-class teens
And make their champ a pin-up boy as well
The Tories need another novelty toff
To fulfil all the UKIP dreams
And make a dedication to reducing immigration
With shady deportation schemes
The Tories need another novelty toff
To represent the 1
Allowing private companies to expand their monopolies
And influence where public money's spent
The Tories need another novelty toff
To be the friendly face of brutal cuts
With a firm stiff upper lip, every condescending quip
Will serve to drive the opposition nuts
The Tories need another novelty toff
For their grip on power to remain
And with the right selection, they'll storm the next election
And make Great Britain great again