The Cringe (Feat. Patton Oswalt)

Some people are scared of goblins and ghosts
They shriek at a raven perched on a post
"Oh no!" they cry. "It's a spooky black cat!"
But there are so many things far more frightening than that
Like when I asked a woman I hadn't seen in a while
How long she'd been pregnant, and there went her smile
Turns out she'd just gained weight. "I'm so sorry," I said
And when that memory fills me with horror and dread
I do the cringe! Ugggh!
I do the cringe! Ooooh!
More than a twinge
The thought leaves me aghast
Because nothing is as scary as what lurks in your past
Banshees and ghouls can give a good fright
But that's not what keeps me up at night
I think about that time in bed with my ex
When I chuckled at his penis during sex
She does the cringe
It was a full-blown laugh
She does the cringe
It looked like a cute little puppet
She does the cringe
He went soft and cried
And that was the night their relationship died!
I told a date I lost my wallet so she would pay
I hooked up with the bassist of Sugar Ray
I got an angel tattoo on my upper thigh
I gave my mother's eulogy completely high
See, everyone has sins they want to wash away
I came up with the town motto: "Live. Work. Play."
We do the cringe
It was not my best work
We do the cringe
In fairness, I was also high
We do the cringe
Regret can be a blast
But nothing is as funky as what lurks in your past
Cringe dance!
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Aaaaah!
We all have skeletons
Real and metaphorically
Wait, aren't you the guy who murdered me?
What?
Nothing! The cringe!
Cringe!