Harry & Rhonda

Harry, this is not Dream Girls!
They told me it had c-c-colored folk in it, Rhonda, and that's always a
Sure sign of good, solid, musical entertainment! How was I
Supposed to know they'd be this ugly?
They pissed on us, Harry! They fuckin' pissed on us! Look at my fox!
I know, dear... But they pissed on me too... He did say they were
Incontinent!

Just smell this! I think we should get out of here before they do something
Else to us!
Leave? Now? At these ticket prices? Just hold your horses... It probably
Wasn't real piss... Only 'theater piss'... They probably have a formula
Some special stuff... Comes right outta the fur with Woolite

What's happened to Broadway, Harry? Used to be you could come to one
Of these things and the wind would be rushing down the plain or a
Fairy on a string would go over the audience... But now! Harry, I ask you
Is this entertainment?
You're absolutely correct, dear! So far we haven't seen a single
Good-looking pair of legs... A single sequin-encrusted whatchamacallit
No firm, rounded breasts! This show is a disaster, Rhonda!
A complete and utter disaster!
Mmmm! Say dere... Hey! Umm-hmm! Thass right! Hey you! You two ugly
White folks... Over here

As you know, de presence of carboniferous hard-core unemployables
Has gen'rally, in de historical past, guaranteed an evenin' of upliftin'
Frolic and cavortment... It'd be a shame fo y'all t'miss out on dis
Here one! Got some nice chairs fo' ya, rights over here

Uh... Beg pardon? What's going on here?
Oh! They're touching me! Harry! Harry! Harry! Harry, do something!
They're putting chains on me! I'll be stuck to the chair! Oh!
What'll I do? I'll miss intermission!
They're only 'theater chains', Rhonda!
These are real goddam chains, Harry, and they're not gonna
Come off with Woolite!

I don't mind the way they feel... They don't bother me, honey... Relax!
Go with the flow
Harry, you are an over-educated shit-head!
Look here, folks... Dis only fo yo own protexium! Once we gets rollin' heah
Things be happnin' all over de place dat could prove dangerous to persons
Not previously acquainted wit de San Quentim mash-potatoes!

I want the wind to come rushing down the plain! I want fairies on a string
Over the audience! I want real Broadway entertainment! Feathers!
Spot-lights! Guilt! Hours upon hours of guilt! About my mother! About my
Father! About brave women, suffering at the hands of infantile, insensitive
Dominating men! And what do I get? A potato-headed jig-a-boo with Catholic
Clothes on! Incomprehensible duck lips! Weak bladders draining through
Abnorminably large organs! Jesus, Harry! What the fuck is going on here?

Simmer down! If you'll just roll with the punches... And don't rock the boat
I'm sure we'll have a lovely evening at the theater!
Thass right! We got fairies on a string fo yo ass jes' a little later! Meanwhile
I b'lieves y'all requires some updatement on de co-log-nuh situatium!
Sister Ob'dewlla 'x'! Express yo'seff!