White Feather

I was wrong
My mind is a battlefield of attrition
Sometimes, I feel like I have lived for far too long
So now my life's an ego challenge to prolong
It's not enough
My happiness leaks from me daily
Stab wounds on my back

Gifts that my loved ones have gave me
I chase "now"
But "what ifs" speak in my mind constantly without invitation
They distract from the present time
Until I'm low again
I'm my thoughts, seek suffering
But why can't I just be proud of the man that I've become
Every challenge overcome, I'm getting worse

This world has beat thе embers out of me
I'm just ashеs, transmogrify, the fire in me has already died
In this cold world
How do I restart the flame in a vacuum of hope?
I follow the torch instead held by my brothers
I fear their flame could extinguish too
Darkness consumes

My anticipated future, I'll lose my way
Polaris fades as the night sky dies, erasing legacies
Before too long I fear that I will give no fucks
And then my life's done, submit, give up
Because I feel like I have lived for far too long
And now, my life's an ego challenge to belong

So please don't mourn me
I pray you smile on our memories
I don't want to be here
I stay, save the misery
I hope you pass first
Parting will cause you to suffer
I can't leave you in pain
So I, I stay here
I stay here

White feather for my sins
If the demons win
Thus I, I stand in defiance
Of my desire to leave this lonely battlefield