Pie Heist

They call me Whisper, master of the night
Never met a treasure that I couldn't steal
But this pumpkin pie's got me losing sight
Of every lesson learned with professional zeal
Rolled for acrobatics, botched it once again
Tangled in a clothesline, dangling upside down
The baker's dog is barking, alerting all the men
I'm the clumsiest damn rogue in this whole town

Pie heist! Pie heist! Sneaking through the night
Critical failure, plans going wrong again
Pie heist! Pie heist! Orange gold in sight
I'll get that tasty pie, just don't know when
Just don't know when

Plan B is in motion, gonna scale the wall
Grappling hook ready, leather boots laced tight
But the rope snaps loose and down I fall
Into a pig pen, what a lovely sight
Covered head to toe in mud and shame
But that pie's still calling out my name
Third time's the charm in this crazy game
My rogue reputation's going down in flames

Pie heist! Pie heist! Sneaking through the night
Critical failure, plans going wrong again
Pie heist! Pie heist! Orange gold in sight
I'll get that tasty pie, just don't know when

Fake mustache on, I'm a traveling bard
Gonna charm my way to that golden prize
But my charisma's only nine, playing it hard
Everyone can see right through my disguise
Baker says Whisper, is that really you
That mustache ain't fooling anyone here
My deception check was a measly two
Time to disappear

But where's the fun in paying like a normal guy
I'm a rogue, damn it, stealing is my art
So I'll keep on scheming for that perfect pie
Even if these failures break my heart
Smoke bomb ready, gonna make my move
Except I grabbed flour, not my special dust
Now I'm coughing, can't see, lost my groove
My legend's crumbling into crust

Pie heist! Pie heist! Sneaking through the night
Critical failure, plans going wrong again
Pie heist! Pie heist! Orange gold in sight
I'll get that tasty pie, just don't know when
Pie heist! Pie heist! Maybe I should quit
Natural twenties never come my way
Pie heist! Pie heist! This is bullshit
But I'll try again another day

Failed attempts: now twenty-three and counting
But my determination keeps on mounting
I'll master the art of pumpkin acquisition
Through sheer incompetent repetition