Welcome To Cthulu

Started with seventy Sanity points
Now I'm down to fucking three
Saw a Shoggoth at the grocery store
And a Mi-Go in a tree
My Keeper's grinning like a maniac
Says Make another roll
I know I'm gonna fail this shit
And lose what's left of my soul

Welcome to Cthulhu, bitches
Where your mind goes straight to hell
Failed another Sanity check
Now you're hearing wedding bells with tentacles
Cosmic horror at its finest
Ancient ones who think you're lunch
Pack your bags for Arkham Sanitarium
You're completely fucking punched

Found the Necronomicon again
Jesus Christ, not this book
One glance at those fucking pages
And there goes my sanity - look
The Deep Ones want to mate with me
Innsmouth's looking pretty sus
Why do all the fishing towns
Think that we taste really yum

My investigator's a professor
With a PhD in dying horribly
Fought a Byakhee with a shotgun
Now I'm speaking R'lyehian, probably
Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn
Wait, why am I saying that
Oh shit, I think I'm cultist now
Time to sacrifice this cat

Rolled a critical fail on dodge
Got face-fucked by a Colour
Now my brain's permanently purple
And I'm screaming HASTUR HASTUR
The Yellow King's a fashion disaster
But his play's a real mind-bender
Last guy who watched Act Two
Is now a fucking gender-blender

Party split up in the mansion
Classic horror movie move
Found the basement full of corpses
Getting down to ritual groove
Steve's character fucked the statue
Now he's pregnant with star spawn
I used Molotov cocktails on Cthulhu
My sanity is fucking gone

Mythos knowledge going up
Sanity going down
Every fucking library
Is in some cursed town
Why do we keep investigating
We know we're gonna die
But someone's gotta stop these cults
It won't be this guy

Welcome to Cthulhu, bitches
Where your mind goes straight to hell
Failed another Sanity check
Now you're hearing wedding bells with tentacles
Cosmic horror at its finest
Ancient ones who think you're lunch
Pack your bags for Arkham Sanitarium
You're completely fucking punched