Didn'T Ask To Be This Way

I've said too much when I should have been quiet
And bit my tongue when I should have tried it
I burned some bridges just for heat then froze inside
And blamed the street
I've walked out first so I couldn't get left
I've pushed away the ones who cared best
I've loved like war and prayed like hell
And never once forgave myself

I didn't ask to be this way
Didn't pick these battles I replay
Didn't choose the ghosts that know my name
Or the hands that taught me how to aim
I'm just trying to breathe without the rage
Hold it down and turn the page
But some scars don't ever fade
And I didn't ask to be this way

I've learned to lie just to feel safe
Call it strength but it's really just escape
I've been the villain and the victim too
Depends on who's telling the truth
I wear this face 'cause I've got no choice
But inside it's just a different voice
One that's tired of acting fine
One that's aged ahead of time

I didn't ask to be this way
Didn't write this pain into my DNA
Didn't sign up for the nights I shake
Or the dreams that jolt me wide awake
I try to laugh, I try to pray
But I'm still wired to push away
Don't judge the fight you never face
I didn't ask to be this way

It ain't weakness
It's what surviving looks like
When you're still bleeding

I didn't ask to be this way
But I still show up every day
I still give love with busted hands
Still stand when I don't understand
So don't call me broken, don't call me lost
I'm just someone who paid the cost
And I'm still standing anyway
Even though I didn't ask to be this way