Bad, This Year

Sad and distressed no delivery fee
They got my brain haywire in the season it's free
I jump and hurdle in my skull I deal with mental acrobatics
I don't take my fucking meds so I can settle the imbalance

You attempt to repair me but I'm beyond the repairing
You told me that you've been in shock with how well I've been faring
Maybe I'm a master in deflective conversation
I don't ever talk about me in a normal confrontation

Speaking of that I hate expressing emotions
Painting all the walls red from my mental explosion
So I keep my hopes low an immovable force
Of all the things that make me blue there's no removable source

Well if I ain't drinking then I'm checking my phone
I got some people up around me yet I still feel alone
Cause they don't know what I've been planning on an hourly basis
And my thoughts are so much more than what I'm outwardly saying

Don't restrain I need the truth
Do you want me cause I want you
A little piece of me escaped
When you left here and moved away

Protect me from myself be merciful
I know you think I'm fine I act invulnerable
Honestly it's gotten bad this year
They'll find me lying down and ask what happened here

You ever felt this low? When you don't tell a soul?
I'm feeling like a fucking hermit when this shell is home
I try to think of my life and how it was back then
When I was just a little kid never up past ten

How was it better when we had lesser than money
I can't remember all the memories when they've been running from me
How is it possible I could say I was happy
I'm at the point I wouldn't know if it had come out and grabbed me

You start to get used to it it's a certain routine
You never wanna wake up every time that you sleep
Like the window of time you were not even conceived
And all the time that's coming after when we're dropping deceased

I've come to conclusions about facades and illusions
When that's my biggest downfall part of being a human
Cause I don't wanna feel a thing I'd rather be somewhere
With you than a place here without you being there

Don't restrain I need the truth
Do you want me cause I want you
A little piece of me escaped
When you left here and moved away

Protect me from myself be merciful
I know you think I'm fine I act invulnerable
Honestly it's gotten bad this year
They'll find me lying down and ask what happened here